When I moved my blog here at the start of last year, I promised I would always be real and authentic. Today I further honor that promise.
Today was supposed to be the start of the next evolution for my blog — the first day of my new radio show. Obviously, by saying supposed to be, you know that isn’t happening today.
There’s a lot more to a radio show than just pushing a button and blabbing. I haven’t been able to assemble all of the necessary pieces. There’s just too much else going on right now.
And it’s about that too much else that I want to talk today.
Getting the girl
Recently I acquired my first ever girlfriend. As amazing as she is, it wasn’t easy for me to make that commitment. You see, she wasn’t the only interested party.
After many years of being marginalized, suddenly two very elect ladies both wanted me. Let’s call them Kimberly and Rachel. As I learned more about each of them, I saw how amazing they each were in their own right. And feelings for each of them began developing inside me. That situation, however, could not continue. Things came to a head, and I had to choose between them.
I was never a fan of polygamy until that moment.
Of course I had been looking for an answer. But prayer and scripture study and temple attendance brought me only partial insight. Then the moment of decision arrived. I had to choose.
That’s when my answer came to me. Life without Kimberly may be good, but life with Kimberly is better than life without Kimberly. So I committed myself to Kimberly.
Rocky road (and I don't mean ice cream)
That’s not to say everything’s been peachy. We all have issues to work through. Having to tell Rachel I chose someone else broke my heart as well as hers. Seeing me sad affected Kimberly, who revisited numerous ghosts from her less-than-stellar past in which Kimberly’s then-husband depreciated her greatly.
We’ve spent considerable time talking through these issues. We’ve made some good progress. Last night we shared some very tender feelings and pledged ourselves further to our relationship.
Then I learn today that Kimberly’s mother was admitted to the hospital. Everything turned out fine, but it’s clear this woman is nearing the end of her sojourn in mortality. Sooner or later a difficult moment will come.
As I think about the support I’ll be giving my girlfriend in her hour of need, my mind recalls an episode from my past. A few years ago I met someone online. We had emailed and phoned. But we hadn’t yet met because of the geographical distance between us.
Then President Hinckley passed away. Very distraught at the news, she called me. Apparently she didn’t feel the death of previous prophets as she did this one. We talked for a few hours. I consoled her, and she expressed gratitude I was in her life. I wondered if perhaps my ship had finally come in.
It hadn’t. We never actually met because soon thereafter she met the man who became her husband. Was the time I spent with her then wasted? After all, I wanted more than friendship with her, yet I found myself once again in the Club of Denied Gentlemen.
In time I came to learn our paths crossed so she could have the support she needed in a pivotal moment in her life while the Lord was preparing her blessings. And now with the thought of Kimberly experiencing a pivotal moment in her life, I’m wondering if yet again I’ve crossed paths with someone wonderful only to find it was simply to provide support in an hour of need.
Don’t go thinking I still have Rachel. Despite my best intentions and efforts, my agency has hurt her considerably, so much that I don’t expect her ever to accept me in her life again.
Face your fears
Despite her protestations to the contrary, I do fear my relationship with Kimberly won’t last. But I refuse to surrender to my fears. I’m going to face them and march forward with faith — faith that facing my truth will indeed set me free. Having been real and genuine in relating my current experience, I can see more clearly the path I need to take.
My liberation has already begun.
What fears do you have in your life? Whatever they are, don’t surrender to them. Face them head on. Free yourself by facing your truth. When you get real and genuine in relating your experience, you will see your path more clearly. And when you embrace that, you find yourself free indeed.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and now I produce a weekly radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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