Giving ourselves positive messages through self talk applies to every area of life. But perhaps no area of singles life needs positive reinforcement more than how we imagine our chances for a lasting temple marriage.
Popular LDS singles urban myth says your chances of marriage seriously diminish after age 30. And if you don’t get married by age 40, they’re practically nonexistent.
But urban myth is just that — myth. People who marry well — many of them well past their 20s — do so because they’ve adjusted their lives to reflect a few truths. And all of us can do this no matter how young we are.
Your focus becomes your reality
The Law of the Harvest always holds true. The thoughts we entertain in the mind and nurture to reality obey this law just as much as the seeds we sow in the field and nurture to harvest.
Many of our thoughts as singles denigrate our royal heritage as children of God and depreciate our potential. If we tell ourselves that no one will ever want us, that we’re too deficient or inferior or defective to realize righteous desires, what seeds are we sowing and nurturing? When we give ourselves these messages habitually, how are we not then our own worst obstacle?
Your focus becomes your reality. When you habitually focus on why you can’t, your reality will always be failure. But when you habitually focus on why you can and act accordingly, your reality will always lead to success.
Positivity is a choice
Successful people in any endeavor accept the world as they find it, not as they would wish it to be. That doesn’t mean they don’t act to change their circumstances. They do what they can where they are with the confidence that the universe will somehow bring everything together for their benefit.
We Latter-day Saints call that walking by faith. And we must choose to walk by faith before God brings us our miracle.
Alma taught his son Helaman
For he will fulfil all his promises which he shall make unto you, for he has fulfilled his promises which he has made unto our fathers. (Alma 37:17)
Earlier Alma confessed
Yea, and he has also brought our fathers out of the land of Jerusalem; and he has also, by his everlasting power, delivered them out of bondage and captivity, from time to time even down to the present day; and I have always retained in remembrance their captivity; yea, and ye also ought to retain in remembrance, as I have done, their captivity. (Alma 36:29)
Alma constantly filled himself with faith — messages that bolstered belief that the Lord would help him to succeed because the Lord had done exactly that many times before.
It’s easy to despair when our natural eyes don’t see the path to eternal blessings. But Alma shows it doesn’t have to be that way. Positivity is a choice. When you choose to fill yourself with faith, you reap a harvest equally positive and uplifting.
Let your life exude faith
Walking by faith doesn’t mean engaging in a pointed campaign to march directly toward righteous goals. The road to marriage is not casual but correlative.
As I say in my upcoming book, we’re not making waffles here. You can’t mix the “right” ingredients, pour the mix into the iron, and then wait for that little light to indicate your deliciousness is ready (although many of us yearn for it to be that way). The agency of another person is involved. So the most you can do is influence your desired outcome.
You exert the best influence when you just let go and live a life which exudes faith in God’s promises. The Atonement has made joy possible for you — not just in the next life, and not until you have made every covenant that man and woman can make, but right now.
Many of us have the Lord’s promises of eternal blessings recorded in our patriarchal blessings. For others, the Spirit communicated those promises during special, sacred experiences. However your promises came, He says He’s got your back. Take Him at His word.
When you radiate that confidence, excessive worry can’t touch you. Of course, you’ll look for opportunities and take them when you see them. But you don’t fret if your aspirations don’t materialize. Other opportunities for a new future will come just as surely as the sun will dawn a new day. Walking by faith means living life guided by faith in Christ’s Atonement. As long as you keep trying to do all you can do, the Lord will somehow manage the rest.
But that confidence comes to you only after you fill yourself again and again and again with positive self-talk that encourages you to have faith.
If you haven’t embraced habits that encourage you to believe and reach always for the positive choice, then reformat and reboot yourself. Replace habits of fear and negative self-talk with habits of faith and positive self-talk.
No matter your situation, there is always hope because there is always Christ. When you walk with that faith, you allow your righteous desires to come to you more easily. So what are you waiting for? Fill yourself with faith every single day.
Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and now I produce a weekly radio show to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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