Faith comes first

My grandfather’s funeral made this week challenging.  His passing emphasized for me the urgency to get the stories of our ancestors.  And it flooded my mind with many memories.

I once lived with my grandfather, who let me borrow his car so I could be with my folks for Thanksgiving.  When he learned of this magnanimity, my uncle reminded my grandfather of the accident I caused in “the little tan truck”as we all called it.  I’ll never forget my grandfather’s reply.  “It’s just a car.”

This week at the funeral, I learned stories about my grandfather.  For example, a good family friend who drove a beat-up pickup once needed to go to Salt Lake City for medical care.  This friend telephoned my grandfather and asked if he would care for his horses while away.  My grandfather consented then showed up at his friend’s house 15 minutes later.  Giving him the keys to his car, my grandfather said that, if his friend would drive his car instead of that old, rickety truck, he wouldn’t need to worry about making the trip there and back.  I came to understand how my grandfather could give so generously to me years later.  He’d done it before!

Most things get easier the more you do them.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, it’s not that the nature of the thing has changed but our capacity to do has increased.  My grandfather wasn’t ever perfect, but he certainly increased his capacity to do good.  The more he tried, the more habitual his devoted service became.

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Examine your habits

Many of our decisions we make from habit.  By design, habits automate much of what we do.  But habits have a not-so-great side: Everything around us can change, but our habits will keep us keeping on whether they help or hurt us.

I’ve written before about habits in this blog and my upcoming book, especially the first chapter.  You can read the first 60 pages for free.  But it all comes down to this question: Where are your habits leading you?  A life of faith and joy?  Or a life of fear and stagnation?

When married Latter-day Saints speak insensitively, what’s the first thing we singles want to do?  To “defend” our perspective?  Or to encourage patience and efforts at understanding?

When we feel the pangs of loneliness all singles encounter, how do our habits prompt us to respond?  To allow negative emotions to overwhelm us?  To give way to doubt and discouragement?  Or to believe in God and His ability to strengthen us to overcome all things?

When we encounter opposition to our righteous desires for family, where do our habits lead us?  Do we join the pity party beckoning at our doorstep?  Do we wallow in the mire of disappointment and lost opportunity?  Or do we replace negative self-talk with wise words of encouragement and hope in new opportunities to come?

Do our habits lead us down the path of faith or fear?

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Harvest your miracle

Moroni literally lost everything.  How difficult was it for him to believe that life still held hope of possibility?  Yet comfort still came (see scripture at right).

First we have faith, then God works.  Faith in God is the seed that yields our harvest of miracles.  You don’t get that harvest without planting and nurturing the seed of faith.  Yet many of our habits as singles sow fear.

Many singles pray their perfect eternal companion will magically appear and accept them just as they are.  They don’t want to change themselves lest they fail and thereby prove they’re as worthless as they fear.  When we encode such approaches in our habits, we obstruct ourselves from the happiness we desire.

How much better to pray for the courage to embrace the changes we need in ourselves!  How much better to partner with the Lord in trying again and again!  How much better to incorporate in our lives habits that lead to faith rather than fear!

God anxiously wants to work miracles in our lives.  But natural law requires that we first believe then receive.  And when we embrace positive habits that instill faith, it becomes easier to believe — and thus easier to receive.

    And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
   Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.
   And I, Moroni, having heard these words, was comforted, and said: O Lord, thy righteous will be done, for I know that thou workest unto the children of men according to their faith;
   For the brother of Jared said unto the mountain Zerin, Remove—and it was removed. And if he had not had faith it would not have moved; wherefore thou workest after men have faith. (Ether 12:27–30)

I used to repeat to myself messages of discouragement and hopelessness.  I rationalized away this negative self-talk habit as just reviewing the facts.  But negative habits always lead to a negative reality.  It’s natural law.  Only when I embraced positive self-talk did things turn around.  That’s natural law too.

Do your habits lead to faith?  If not, reformat and reboot yourself with new, more positive habits.  God is anxious to work a miracle in your life.  But faith must come first.