Joy In The Journey Radio
  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Live Broadcast
    • Recent Shows >
      • 14 Dec 22
      • 7 Dec 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Members
    • Members-only
  • Firesides
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Careers
  • Volunteer
  • Donate
  • Contact

continue the conversation

Dating comes in two flavors

7/12/2017

0 Comments

 
"When everyone has the same map that matches the terrain of the journey, there’s no need for DTR.  We know exactly where we are because we know what agreements we have and haven’t made.  And we know what next step we need to take to progress in our journey."
You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  The full text appears below, and you can continue the conversation by leaving a comment.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the Radio page!
Picture
Lots of things in life come in pairs, especially food.  Apples and oranges.  Peanut butter and jelly.  Biscuits and gravy.  Bacon and eggs.  Grilled ham and cheese.  On that note, my favorite pair is probably vanilla and chocolate.  Yeah, in true Brigham Young tradition, we’re talking ice cream.

Of course, there’s more flavors of ice cream.  But these two staples provide the foundation for the rest of the ice cream pantheon.  As good as many other flavors are, it’s hard to appreciate fully other flavors without the two foundational flavors vanilla and chocolate.

In like manner, dating has two foundational “flavors.”  And you can’t appreciate fully what dating is or how it’s done without the foundation.

Last week I described how dating is easy when you understand the fundamentals.  Understanding the two “flavors” of dating is one of those fundamentals.  After all, how can you successfully navigate the terrain when you don’t have clear markers along your path?

And no, the two “flavors” aren’t celestial dating and worldly dating.  I’m talking about casual dating and committed dating.

Keep the start casual

Picture
Too many LDS singles place too much commitment at the start of the journey.  They treat an invitation to go out like a marriage proposal.  And the confusion they create obstructs their journey towards an essential ordinance.

Casual dating is just that — casual — so the commitment level is really low.  Once the date ends, so does any commitment.  And a date is just an agreement to participate in a specified activity at a specified time with a specified person.

What would happen if all LDS singles approached casual dating for the casual activity it is?  There would be a lot more dating and a lot more fun.

Yes, dating leads to marriage.  But filtering every dating decision through that lense places high levels of seriousness at the start of the journey that make it hard both to be ourselves and to enjoy the ride.  We need stage-specific filters for our journey.

Good decisions usually require good data.  It’s easier to differentiate when you can make good comparisons.  That’s why casual dating is so important.  If singles give each other the liberty to date other people early in the journey, they can get the data they need to make their best decisions regarding committed dating.

Commit to inquire well

Picture
The transition between any two consecutive stages of the dating journey is an agreement.  When you agree to date one person who in turn agrees to date only you, you’ve left casual dating and entered committed dating.  In contrast with casual dating, where all commitment ends with the date activity, in committed dating you’ve made a commitment that extends beyond any one date activity.

Casual dating is about narrowing your field of options down to one.  It involves multiple experiences with multiple people in order to identify which one you most want to know better.

But committed dating is about evaluating the one option you’ve selected for the role of spouse and parent. Committed dating is about having multiple experiences with just one person in order to identify whether you want to share lives with that one person.  You’ll share your life with your spouse who will in turn share his or her life with you.  

Committed dating is a time for deep questioning.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks has taught, “If you want to marry well, inquire well.”  Committed dating is the time for that inquiry.  Is this person traveling in an agreeable direction?  Will this person’s priorities support who you want to become?

Be where you are

Picture
Dating is easier and more fun once you understand the terrain of each stage of the journey.  That understanding allows you to practice this dating fundamental: Be in the place where you are.

If you’re in the early part of the journey, don’t act like there’s some huge commitment with what you do.  There’s no huge commitment in the early stages.  Likewise, if you’re in the later part of the journey, you should act in accordance with the higher level of commitments found there.

When everyone has the same map that matches the terrain of the journey, there’s no need for DTR.  We know exactly where we are because we know what agreements we have and haven’t made.  And we know what next step we need to take to progress in our journey.

We also free ourselves from worry over what someone else will think or feel.  We can just be ourselves and enjoy the experience dating should provide.  And that will bring more joy in our journey.

Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have  more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.

    Comment

    Joy in the Journey Radio encourages the free discussion of ideas but reserves the right to remove and/or block comments which do not conform to LDS standards.

    Donate

    Joy in the Journey Radio offers many free resources to help LDS singles everywhere, but it certainly isn't free!  Help Joy in the Journey Radio in its mission to improve the lives of LDS singles by donating today.

    Posts by Month

    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adrian Ochoa
    Agency
    Assumptions
    Atonement
    Attitude
    Attraction
    Autopilot
    Balance
    Becky Craven
    Believe
    Best Life
    Bradley R Wilcox
    Camille N Johnson
    Change The Culture
    Changing LDS Singles Culture
    Christ
    Christmas
    Clark G Gilbert
    Confidence
    Conscious Choices
    Covenant Mindset
    Dale G Renlund
    Dallin H Oaks
    Dating
    David A Bednar
    Depression
    Dieter F Uchtdorf
    Discipleship
    Donald L Hallstrom
    D Todd Christofferson
    Face To Face
    Faith
    Family
    Family History
    Fear
    Filters
    Finances
    Focus Determines Reality
    Forgiveness
    Full Life: Body
    Full Life: Heart
    Full Life: Mind
    Full Life: Spirit
    Future
    Gary E Stevenson
    General Conference
    Gerrit W Gong
    Goals
    Gordon B Hinckley
    Gratitude
    Habits
    Happiness
    Hope
    Jack Gerard
    Jean Bingham
    Jeffrey R Holland
    John A McCune
    John C Pingree Jr
    Journey
    Joy
    Kristin M Lee
    Leaders
    Legacy
    Life Of Meaning
    Live In The Moment
    Marriage
    Marrieds
    Michael A Dunn
    Michelle Craig
    Miracles
    M Russell Ballard
    Natural Mindset
    Neil Andersen
    Opportunity
    Own Your Life
    Partner With The Lord
    Peace
    Personal Ministry
    Perspective
    Philosophy
    Proclamation On The Family
    Quentin L Cook
    Real
    Reformat And Reboot
    Relationships
    Ronald Rasband
    Russell M Nelson
    Sacrament
    Self Talk
    Self-talk
    Service
    Sharon Eubank
    Stories
    Support
    Surrender To Love
    Susan H Porter
    Taylor G Godoy
    Temple
    Thinking
    Thomas S Monson
    Trials
    Unity
    Valentine's Day
    Vision
    Walk By Faith
    Yoon Hwan Choi
    Zion

    RSS Feed

Offerings

Home
Radio 4 LDS Singles
LDS Singles Blog
Books
Speaking
Recipes
Home-centered Church

Production

About
Staff

Support

FAQ
Volunteer
Donate
Careers
Contact
Joy in the Journey Radio is a production
of Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
© 2014-2024 Aspire Mountain Media LLC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  • Home
  • Radio 4 LDS Singles
    • Live Broadcast
    • Recent Shows >
      • 14 Dec 22
      • 7 Dec 22
    • Archive 2022
    • Archive 2021
    • Archive 2020
    • Archive 2019
    • Archive 2018
  • LDS Singles Blog
  • Members
    • Members-only
  • Firesides
  • Books
  • FAQ
  • Careers
  • Volunteer
  • Donate
  • Contact