Be the one

"Instead of looking to find the one companion we want to take into our life, we need to be the one companion for the person we seek."

Last week we discussed the importance of taking action to get the results we want in life.  Often that means practicing small habits every day that lead to our desired results.  When we stay consistent with those habits, eventually we achieve the results we want.

For example, if I want to learn to play the piano, I need a daily habit of piano practice.  I need to dedicate a set amount of time every day to learning how to play.

Sometimes, however, the small daily habits needed for desired results are not so simple to envision.  Many LDS singles wonder what habits will help them achieve the temple marriage they desire.  Some may think the small daily habits they need revolve around finding the right person.  Such an approach assumes people don’t need to improve upon themselves to attract the right person into their life.

And that’s why that approach rarely works.  All of us have such imperfections that looking to improve ourselves is really the more effective approach.  Instead of looking to find the one companion we want to take into our life, we need to be the one companion for the person we seek.

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Make yourself more agreeable

Effective approaches often find root in fundamental principles.  So how is being the one instead of looking for the one rooted in the fundamental principles of LDS dating?  It all revolves around agreements.

Progress in your dating journey depends upon your ability to secure each agreement you need to move to the next stage of your journey.  That means you need to be agreeable in someone’s view, because people aren’t going to agree to an unattractive prospect.  That just isn’t agreeable.

If you focus your approach on finding the one, any improvement in your chances of securing the agreement you need will be marginal at best.  But focusing your approach on becoming the one exponentially increases your probability of success because, when you work to become the one, you’re making yourself more agreeable

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Take the next steps

That fundamentals-based approach begs this question: What must we do to make ourselves more agreeable?  The answer will of course vary with the individual.  We’re all so different in the totality of the dating prospect we represent that what we’re each missing to become more agreeable will also vary greatly.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t answers.  Previously I’ve explored applications to the lives of LDS singles from Elder Larry Lawrence’s October 2015 Conference address on securing revelation through the Spirit.  The Spirit can and will give us the next steps we need to improve ourselves and our lives.  When we faithfully follow the instructions we receive, we are blessed with a better life and more instructions for making that better life even better.

Often those steps will be small.  Elder Lawrence describes a single adult who asked after her next step and received the prompting to clean her room.  That is a small step, but it also can bring about great results.  Clearing the clutter in our local landscape can clear the clutter from our perspectives, helping us to feel less burdened and more capable of focusing on the work we need to accomplish.  Whatever small step the Spirit prompts you to take, do it.

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Secure the power of small

The success LDS singles desire in their dating efforts won’t likely come overnight.  However, persisting every day in the small habits of making ourselves more agreeable dating prospects will over time transform us into more capable travelers in our dating journey.  Small things give rise to great things.

This is the way the Lord works.  “And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33).  When we take the small steps that will help us become the one someone else wants, we become more agreeable to potential dating partners.  And that means increased probability of securing that agreement we need to progress to the next stage in our dating journey.

Yes, finding the one is important.  You can’t have the companion you want if the two of you never meet.  But simply crossing paths with someone isn’t going to influence that person to make the agreement you need to progress to the next stage of your dating journey.  Being a more attractive person will.  And you’re likely to cross paths with many prospective companions as you get active in becoming the best version of you that you can be.

So don’t focus on finding the one.  Rather focus on being the one.  Your progress in becoming your best self will by itself invigorate you.  At the same time, you’ll be making yourself more attractive.  Giving your all to those right things for you will bring you happiness.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.