Be perfect eventually

"Elder Holland reminds us that no one is perfect.  That means the eternal companion you’re looking for is imperfect.  If you go about looking for perfection, you’ll not likely find your eternal companion because that imperfect person will never fit your insistence on perfection."

You gotta love Elder Jeffrey R Holland in General Conference.  His latest Conference address “Be Ye Therefore Perfect— Eventually” is no exception.  What a wonderful message of relief!  Our LDS culture encourages personal improvement, yet the approach of some produces more mayhem and misery than enlightenment and empowerment.

It wouldn’t be so bad if we’d stop comparing ourselves unfairly.  Whether against other people or some idealized standard, many Latter-day Saints feel they fall short of what and where they should be.

And many of those Latter-day Saints are single.  They look at their lives and think they should be married by now.  It’s then easy to jump to the conclusion that something must be wrong with them and that’s why they’re still single.

Other LDS singles reach a corollary conclusion with just as much erroneous logic.  They believe they’re not good enough — not handsome or pretty enough, not funny enough, not cool enough, not whatever enough.  If only they were a more attractive person, they reason, then they wouldn’t be stuck in their single status.

That’s why I love Elder Holland’s remarks.  He reminds us that we are good enough, that we don’t need to bridge today the entire distance between where we are and where we want to be, that our journey can be joyful if we improve our approach to it.  We can be perfect . . . eventually.

Lighten up

That last word eventually is key.  It reminds us that our journey is more than just a few steps.  Our journey comprises many, many steps — more than we can possibly take in this mortal life.  Perfection, the final result of reaching our final destination, won’t come in this life.

Why then give us the commandment to be perfect?  Elder Holland believes at least one reason is to give glory to God and show what we can achieve in the eternities to come.  Knowing the perfection of God can create gratitude that our imperfections need not be the end of us.  God in his perfection will make up for what we lack.

Of course, that doesn’t justify ignoring our covenants.  Elder Holland explains,

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I hasten to say that focusing on the Father’s and the Son’s achievements rather than our own failures does not give us one ounce of justification for undisciplined lives or dumbing down our standards.  No, from the beginning the gospel has been “for the perfecting of the saints, ... till we ... come ... unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.”  I am simply suggesting that at least one purpose of a scripture or a commandment can be to remind us just how magnificent “the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ” really is, inspiring in us greater love and admiration for Him and a greater desire to be like Him.

“Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him ... ,” Moroni pleads.  “Love God with all your might, mind and strength, then ... by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ.” Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it.  Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism.

How often do we LDS singles criticize ourselves for whatever failings we have?  When we let go of our need to be perfect now, we’ll find it easier to let go of our repeating patterns of self-criticism.

Look for good enough

Elder Holland reminds us that “except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing.”  He then advocates avoiding excessive expectations for achieving perfection in others as well as in ourselves.

That got me thinking.  Many LDS singles expect perfection in the eternal companion they seek.  They create this ideal that very few if any could actually reach.  After all, you don’t want to spend eternity with imperfect.  But by limiting their prospective candidate pool, they limit their probability of success.  They make it harder to find that eternal companion.

Elder Holland reminds us that no one is perfect.  That means the eternal companion you’re looking for is imperfect.  If you go about looking for perfection, you’ll not likely find your eternal companion because that imperfect person will never fit your insistence on perfection.

Since the person you seek is not perfect, then you should really be looking for good enough.  That doesn’t mean you have no standards.  Good enough implies that some standards have been met.  You just don’t want so many standards that you reduce your likelihood of success too much.  Having standards that are too exacting can yield the same result.  Balance is the key.

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Be willing

When we partake of the sacrament each week, we do not pledge to be perfect.  We do not witness we’ll take upon ourselves the name of Christ, always remember him, and keep his commandments.  We witness we are willing to do these things (see D&C 20:77).

That pledge of willingness allows space for slips and failings.  We strive for perfection while at the same time forgiving both ourselves and others for shortcomings.

If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need saving.  So we don’t need to be perfect to be saved.  We just need to be good enough — good enough to receive the gift of grace that bridges any gap.  And if we just need to be good enough, then that’s all anyone else needs to be as well.

I love Elder Holland’s concluding remarks:

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Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living.  If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human.  May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness.  If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.

May we all stop looking for perfection in this mortal life while never stopping to strive after it as part of our more eternal journey.  When we do, we’ll have more joy in our journey.

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