Accept no limitations

I wanted a life without limitation because only that life can be my best life.

We all encounter moments when we reflect on past decisions and wonder how different life would be had we chosen differently.  For LDS singles, those reflections often involve dating.

Recently I’ve had such a moment.  I remember sharing laughs with a past girlfriend.  We did some fun things, like the desert hike to a local canyon or the picnic in a local park.  Plus she was a great kisser, so there was that.

But we also had some differences, one of which was her refusal to dream.  She insisted on imposing limitations on herself and her life.  That meant accepting the same for myself, because it’s really hard to go for the gold when your cheering section is always bringing you down.

Hoping we could find a higher road together, I soon learned how cemented she was in her thinking.  When she falsely assumed I wanted out and then proceeded to leave herself, I didn’t resist.  After all, if months of having me for a boyfriend hasn’t opened your eyes to see I’m worth fighting for, then what ground can I really hope to gain?

That was a sad day for both of us, but I don’t regret my decision in the least.  I wanted a life without limitation because only that life can be my best life.  That’s a life all of us can have when we commit to accept no limitations.

A little background

Please don’t misunderstand me.  My ex-girlfriend was a great woman with many virtues to recommend her.  That’s why I pursued her to begin with.  And I found many virtues and vices as I came to know her better.

At the end of the day, I had to ask myself where she was taking me.  Because the answer wasn’t somewhere I wanted to go, I moved to discuss a course correction.  But her staunch refusal to discuss anything quickly killed our relationship.

I don’t blame her for her actions.  One day her husband decided he’d had enough of the Church.  But instead of just going inactive, he got a hotel room, committed adultery with a prostitute, and then came home and bragged about it.

Obviously, there’s lots going on here we don’t know about.  But the breakdown of her marriage and the resulting divorce really messed with this woman’s head.  And her pain gave root to her refusal to dream.  She’d been hurt so bad she didn’t want to chance getting hurt again.

No relationship with me or any other man was going to give her the therapy she desperately needed and could get only from an objective, licensed professional.  And without that therapy, she never would have a truly healthy romantic relationship.

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Settling for less

Too many LDS singles who’ve been likewise hurt likewise shut down their dreams.  They settle for whatever comes their way just to have something.  In reality all they really want is to belong.  And the easiest way to belong is to fit the mold, to gain the marker of acceptance.

In LDS society, the marker of acceptance has traditionally been marriage.  Thankfully, that’s changing.  Yet many LDS singles still engage habitual thinking influenced by the traditional culture.

Add to that a refusal to address serious internal issues, and you got a sure-fire recipe for a secret prison population.  These prisoners don’t live behind physical bars all can see; they live behind bars they themselves have forged.  Their less effective thinking limits their vision, and their refusal to dream limits their possibilities.

In short, many LDS singles settle for much less than second best, let alone their full, unlimited potential.

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Accepting nothing less

That thinking contradicts the teachings of the restored gospel.  You are a child of God.  The laws of genetics declare you have inherited traits from your heavenly parents, among which is an unlimited potential.  God also has a plan for you, and that plan doesn’t end with you remaining in perpetual failure.

God loves you so much He wants you to have joy in this life as well as the next.  He’ll help you to live your best life.  Accept these truths.  Accept no limitations on yourself.

And accept you may need professional therapy to overcome your challenges.  Some of us are so screwed up we can’t make it on our own.  And that’s OK!  The Lord has provided many resources, including professional ones, so we can rise above our challenges and live our best life here, now, today!

Accept no limitations.  When you determine your struggle for your dreams isn’t over until you win, you’re on the path to your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

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You can listen to the monologue from today's episode of Joy In The Journey Radio here.  Please also feel free to continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.  Want to hear more?  Listen to the whole show by going to the show page for this episode.