The lesson here is clear.  You boost your power to achieve your goals — and therein change your life — when you write them down.

This wasn't the first time I came across this story.  And yet this time something clicked inside me.  I came to a realization that had somehow escaped me before.  I say somehow because it's staring me in my face, leaving me at a loss to explain why I didn't see it before.

But I'm glad I saw it now, because it led me to a new daily ritual that's improving the quality of my life and giving me more motivation and momentum to dedicate myself more completely to the accomplishment of my goals.

What is this new daily ritual?  Before I begin my tasks for the day or even turn on my computer to review my tasks, I open a notebook and write down each of my goals for the year.  Everything here is old school.  I take a pen in my hand and physically transcribe onto paper each of the goals I made back in January.

I have goals for my personal life and each of my business endeavors — 36 all told.  Since I'm writing each word by hand, it takes me about 20-30 minutes to complete this exercise.  That's a sizable chunk out of my day, but I'm starting to see some sizeable return on my investment.

Each moment I spend writing each goal, I'm not just copying words.  I'm considering the gap between where I am and where I want to go.  Starting my work for the day with a realization of what I need to be done is empowering, especially when paired with the motivation stemming from the grandeur of my goals (yes, I can't help but dream big).

Starting my workday with that motivation drives me to do more with my day.  The act of physically forming letters in a set arrangement on paper is a metaphor for completing the tasks in real life that together form the set arrangements known as goals.  It's a form of spiritual creation that precedes the physical creation.  That's how God created all things (D&C 29:31-32).  How can you follow the same pattern and not gain some semblance of the power He wields?

I've embraced this new ritual for only a few days now, so I haven't practiced it long enough to become a habit.  But I do feel stirrings of power within me, a taste of the great potential this practice will unleash.

That real power isn't just checking items off a to-do list.  It goes beyond completing tasks or even accomplishing goals.  The real power is having our tasks transform us into something more than we were before.  We're human beings, after all, not human doings.  We live our best life not because we do more but because we are more.

It's never too late to start a new way of living.  You can feel empowered every day to effect change in yourself, accomplish great goals, and attain your best life.  To start feeling that power in your life, decide to start living that way and follow through with the simple yet powerful practice of writing down your goals at the start of each day.

So what are you waiting for?  Start right now by collecting the tools you'll need to write out your goals.  Then tomorrow morning use your tools to practice your first iteration of a new habit.  You may not feel much effect after just one session, and you probably won't.  But with diligence and persistence in this practice day after day, it won't be long before you start feeling a growing effect within you.  Keep on keeping on with that, and you'll empower yourself to accomplish anything.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

These ideas represent important aspects in the journey toward your best life.  In fact, we might even say they form a three-step sequential process for navigating the very heart of that journey.  It's time to commit to excellence.

First, you must decide what you want.  This seems obvious, but so many simply don't execute here.  They simply march ahead in ignorance.

The first of Stephen Covey's seven habits of highly effective people is to begin with the end in mind.  Implicit in such a beginning is clearly delineating what your desired outcome is and is not.  After all, it's hard to hit a target when you don't know what it is.  And if you can't spell it out clearly, then you simply don't know what it is.

Start by writing what you think your best life is, and then step outside yourself and consider whether a stranger would know exactly what you want simply by reading what you wrote.  Writing is a perfect tool for this exercise because writing is great for aiding self-reflection.

And the process of writing a clear definition of what you want — what your best life is — allows you to see what you really do and don't know.  And it provides an opportunity to clarify when you see you don't know.  What does your best life look like, sound like, smell like, taste like, and feel like?  Clarity brings power, so get crystal clear on your destination.

With that clarity, you're ready for the next step.  You must understand why you want what you want.  And that's perhaps more important than just knowing what you want.

Of course, you have to know what you want before you can address why you want it.  But simply knowing what you want is insufficient.  For most things worth having (such as your best life), you must pay a price by overcoming obstacles and conquering challenges.  Your best life won't come easy, and simply knowing your what won't give you the motivation you need to push through.  Knowing your why will.

Again, clarity is power.  The more clear you can get on your why, the more power you can obtain to push through when the going gets tough.  It also allows for self-reflection.  Contemplating the real reason you want something, you might see an easier or more effective means of satisfying that desire or even see it's not worth desiring at all.

Once you're clear on your what and your why, the road to your best life should also be clear, at least for the first few steps.  All that remains is execution.  You must take those next few steps.

But it's not enough simply to go through the motions of doing what needs getting done.  To progress towards your best life, you must travel that road well.  Otherwise, you'll become disoriented.

It's something like the Liahona.  Lehi and his family knew their destination, but when they waned in their commitments, their compass wouldn't point the way, and they quickly became lost.  Only when they repented and reoriented themselves to their commitments did their progress resume.

Once you know your what and your why, you too must orient yourself to a commitment to excellence in all you do as you journey to your best life.  You can't do anything half baked, because it's your best life, not your half-baked life.  It's that commitment to do everything — even the little, seemingly unimportant tasks — with excellence that helps to create your best life.

The road to your best life will never be easy, and it was never meant to be.  But when you decide what you want, know clearly why you want it, and then commit yourself to excellence in literally everything you do, you'll not only put yourself on the road to your best life, but you'll make progress towards it as well.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

But an OK life never rises above mediocrity and won't ever be great or phenomenal.  Most settle for mediocrity, but you don't have to accept an OK life.  You can be phenomenal.  You can live your best life.

To realize the reality you want to have outside of you, you must do the work to change what's  inside of you.  So stop waiting and start working.  Your best life awaits you.

Most people have a limited life because they have limited thinking based on limiting assumptions.  And because of how we're all biologically hardwired to operate, those assumptions lead to habits producing the same results most mediocre lives have.

Do you believe you're the victim of choices others make?  Do you believe you just aren't good enough to live your dreams?  Do you believe your best days are behind you?  Do you believe your happiness depends on what happens outside yourself?  If so, you're likely not in control of life.  Rather, life is in control of you.

But just as you can choose thinking that limits you, you can choose thinking that empowers you.  You really can turn your life around because you are a child of the Creator of the universe endowed with His unlimited potential and the wondrous gift of agency.  You can and do choose for yourself.

So you can choose to accept responsibility for the choices you've made that have brought you the life you have now.  When you do, you begin to own your life.  And that's when everything can begin to change for you.  You can further that change by deciding what you want, knowing clearly why you want it, and then committing yourself to excellence in literally everything you do.

You need that foundation to effect the changes you want to see outside yourself.  Too many people (who usually live limited mediocre lives) think their lives will improve when their external circumstances do.  They work directly on external changes, but that's all backwards.  To change your life on the outside, you must first change your life on the inside.

That means you must get good with you.  You must dig deep enough inside of you to uncover the true root of your problem, the seeds of mediocre thinking sprouting into the mediocre habits producing your mediocre life.  You must learn how you were biologically designed to function so you can leverage it instead of continually fighting against it.

We all broadcast an energy to others, and what you have inside determines the quality of that energy.  To broadcast an attractive energy, what's inside of you must be attractive.  Stop trying to escape singles life and start embracing it and making the most of it.  Love yourself but also commit to doing whatever it takes to better yourself.  Achieving that balance is the essence of obtaining your best life.

Pursuing that balance won't be easy, because challenges will always threaten your desired transformation.  That's why you must continually refresh your thinking and your determination to keep after it.

Believe your best is yet to come, that the blessings you want are real and yours.  Let go of trying to manage every detail and just enjoy the ride.  Live in the moment, live with intention, and live in possibility while you work for probability.  It's balancing the fantastic with the practical.

And the best way I've found to do that is practicing a ridiculous, sickening work ethic.  The grind is amply named, and you need to do it every day.  Use your agency to choose to keep after it.  Never quit.  Never surrender.  Never stop until you win.

Most people live mediocre lives centered on satisfaction of self because that's what they choose.  Those who live phenomenal lives centered on contribution to others have their best life because that's what they choose.  Your best life awaits you.  When you choose to take control of your life, get good with you, and keep after it, you too can live the phenomenal life that is your best life.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Of course, Nephi is a key clue indicating direct applicability to singles.  After all, Nephi was a stud of a single adult.  Many of the epic faith-promoting stories about him — "I will go and do," for instance, or retrieving the plates from Jerusalem, or the vision of the tree of life — were realized while Nephi was a faithful single adult.

What inspiration has lit the world from that valiant example!  We LDS singles can foster a similar influence for good if we will do as Nephi did and look to the Savior.

That's exactly where Elder McCune's remarks went.  Addressing the general Church membership and not just the singles, Elder McCune admonishes all of us to exercise faith despite our challenges.  As we look to the Savior in those moments, we can feel the love and peace only He can offer.

Elder McCune shares a family experience after his son encountered a life-threatening accident to his brain.  In an almost empty hospital, all Elder McCune and his family could do was kneel and pour out their hearts to God.  "In the midst of this confusing and painful moment," Elder McCune recounts, "we were filled with our Heavenly Father’s love and peace."

Elder McCune continues,

Many LDS singles sometimes wonder whether the challenges of singles life will ever end.  To those with such thoughts, I invite you to look to the Savior and walk in faith.

Walking by faith isn't easy.  Especially in these times when the pandemic has turned the world upside down, many seem intent on walking in fear.  We who have the light of the gospel can inspire faith with a focus on the Savior.  And we LDS singles can play that part in our day just as Nephi did in his.

Already in my new calling, I've participated in discussions regarding the return to weekly Sunday church services.  Many of the Saints have concerns — and rightly so — about the risks of infection.  Yet the Brethren have asked local leaders to accelerate the return to regular worship services.

Keep in mind the Church is greatly exceeding what local state and county officials recommend.  Yet even with that, many members resist the idea of meeting together.  Far be it from me to judge others in these trying times.  I certainly don't blame anyone for wanting to stay away.

Yet I would invite these same people I hesitate to judge to look to the Savior and follow His servants in faith.  Elder McCune spoke of the support we can find in focusing on and following the Savior.

Nephi was able to do difficult things because he focused on the Savior and walked in faith.  As we focus on the Savior and walk in faith, so can we.

Elder McCune concluded his remarks by addressing the enticements some may experience to leave the spiritual safety of the Church.  He first mentions loved ones "who are questioning truth."  We don't want to abandon the gospel but also don't want our families torn apart.

I can't really speak from personal experience here, but I do like how Elder McCune responded.  He advocated looking to the Savior and remaining faithful to Him and His gospel.  It's hard to lift someone to higher ground from below.  As Elder McCune declared, "If our true desire is to rescue those we love, we ourselves must stay firmly with Christ by embracing His Church and the fulness of His gospel."

He then addressed those who think we don't really need the Church.

I too bear witness that we singles Latter-day Saints can do difficult things when we look to the Savior, focus on following Him, and walk in faith.  It's not easy, but it was never meant to be, because it was meant to be worthwhile.  When we look to Him, the Savior's peace and love can fill our souls.  And that will bring us more joy in our journey.

I actually had both of those events happen in the past few days.  The new calling came on Sunday.  When the stake president texted me to request a meeting, I knew it was about a calling.  I just didn't know what calling.

I learned soon enough amidst a mixture of surprise and overwhelm.  I expected a calling working with the singles.  That just makes sense for a man in my position.  But the calling extended to me was totally different.  I was called to be the new stake executive secretary.

That the Lord would want me in such a position truly baffles me.  Am I the one who should be joining meetings of the stake president with his counselors and meetings of the high council and such not as a participant, mind you, but as an equal contributor?  I just never really thought of myself in that way, and so this new calling feels a little intimidating.

But I accepted the calling because I know the Lord governs His Church through revelation.  I responded by walking in faith the Lord will support me.  In so doing, I have committed to move ever forward.

If news of a new calling is a blessing, this one wasn't meant to last very long.  Later that night I began to feel stomach pain.  At the time, it felt like I had just eaten something bad.  I wasn't sure what that could have been, but I wasn't overly concerned as I laid myself down to sleep.

A couple of hours later I awoke to an even more intense pain.  The pain wasn't so large it debilitated me, but it was large enough to keep me awake.  Try as I might, I couldn't get back to sleep.

Tired from a night of almost no sleep, I went to see the doctor first thing in the morning.  Considering my previous visit after a near miss of a heart attack, the doctor reaffirmed the earlier diagnosis and extended it to include the possibility of an ulcer.

Actually, it was more of a probability than a possibility; left untreated, my condition would certainly worsen.  The pain I experienced was most likely created from bacteria that precedes most ulcers eating away at the wall of my stomach.  We can't be sure until the test results come back in.

But we can be sure walking by faith is once more the best response.  I have a contribution to make, and I'm not going to quit what the Lord gave me to fulfill because of any medical diagnosis.  Certainly the one I received concerns me greatly.  But I am determined to walk in faith the Lord will support me.  In so doing, I have committed to move ever forward.

Life will always bring its ups and downs, but we can live with confidence when we walk in faith.  My decision to walk by faith hasn't lessened the overwhelm I feel in my new calling or the concern I feel in my unfolding medical condition.  I still have those challenges.

But the point of walking by faith is not to remove our challenges.  The point of walking by faith is to strengthen our dependency upon God to see us through whatever life may bring us — all of the ups and all of the downs.  With Him, nothing is impossible.

Whatever challenge confronts you right now, I invite you to join me in the response I have given and will continue to give to my challenges.  Commit to moving ever forward.  Your progress may be slow or perhaps so small that it doesn't really look like progress at all.  But by placing your trust in the Lord and walking in faith, you can, in the due time of the Lord, overcome any challenge placed before you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Yet far too many of us LDS singles choose bondage.  We choose to keep habits of thinking that hold us back.  We choose habits of seeing the obstacles instead of the opportunities.  We choose habits of living under the oppression of a victim mentality instead of the liberation of a victor mentality.  We are in many ways our own worst obstacle.  If only we could get out of our own way!

And that’s the irony of it all.  We can get out of our own way.  We can break free from the bondage of a lesser life because we are free to choose for ourselves.  We simply need to make the right choices.

I know some of you are scoffing at that idea right now.  You’re thinking your freedom isn’t like a light switch you just turn on and off at will.  Real life, you’re thinking, isn’t like that.  There’s so much affecting your life you don’t control.

I used to think that way, back when I didn’t enjoy my life.  What I couldn’t see then that I clearly see now is how my choices in how to think brought me the reality I was living.  The way of thinking I embraced in those days discounted my gift of agency.

I didn’t see how my habitual choice to focus on the negative created the negative energy I broadcast to others around me.  I didn’t see how my habitual choice to look constantly at my obstacles prevented me from seeing my opportunities.  I didn’t see how my habitual choice to embrace a victim mentality kept me from living a life of victory.

The truth is your focus determines your reality.  When you focus on the negative, you have a negative reality.  When you focus on the positive, you have a positive reality.  Because you choose your focus, you also choose your reality.

And here’s more truth: Most of your choices you don’t make consciously.  Rather you choose out of habit.

About 97% of everything you do on a day-to-day basis is simply a habit playing itself out.  Habits don’t require you to think about what you do when you do it.  You can, but you don’t have to.  That’s the beauty of habits.  They automate sequences of action so you can actually live life.

But your best life is a life lived by intention, one you consciously choose.  Because you choose habitually 97% of the time, you choose consciously only 3% of the time.  That suggests you can’t live your best life, but you can because you choose your habits.

When you understand how habit works and then make conscious choices to embrace more effective habits — especially in how you think — you really can choose your life because you choose the elements that together create the life you have.

The moment I realized that truth was a pivotal turning point in my life when everything changed for me.  I had a life I didn’t want because I chose the elements that combined according to natural law to create the reality I had.  And it all came back to how I chose to think.

Sure, those choices were by and large habitual.  But I chose my habits.  In the very least, by choosing not to improve an existing habit, I by default chose not to embrace a better one.

That moment when I consciously chose to own my life turned everything around for me.  That’s because I started making choices that were more conducive to the reality I wanted.  And that’s a choice you can make as well because you have the same gift of agency.

Don’t depreciate that gift.  Choose to own your life.  Choose to break yourself free of the habits of thinking producing a reality you don’t want.  You don’t have to live that way.  You don’t have to settle.  When you learn how to leverage your gift of agency to your advantage, you can live a phenomenal life, irrespective of the choices others make.  You can make your life extraordinary.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

Procrastination is one way our biological hardwiring maintains our status quo.  “Yeah,” it says, “that dream sounds great, but we’ll get to that someday.  Right now we’ve got other things we need to do.”  And as long as we keep accepting that excuse for not living our dreams, we’ll never live our dreams because they’ll never come true.

There are only seven days in the week, and someday isn’t one of them.  When we quit tolerating some day and insist on today, we can move our dreams closer to reality.

That has been the kernel of my struggle for so many years.  It’s perhaps the most concise explanation for why I don’t yet have all my dreams fulfilled.  I too often tolerate lack of progress.  But I also struggle as many others do with fitting everything I want to do into my day.

Part of that comes from having so many dreams that making substantial progress on any of them is difficult.  There’s just too many objectives vying for the limited space in my calendar.  And abandoning any them is even more difficult because, as I mentioned earlier, I can’t help but dream big — big not just in the extent of any single dream but also in my quantity of dreams.

I dream of an eternal marriage to a wonderful, faithful LDS woman who sees in me my virtues more than my vices.  I dream of an LDS culture that fully accepts singles as well as marrieds.  I dream of a vibrant LDS singles support network.  I dream of a career in higher education through which I inspire the next generation to make the world a better place.  I dream of building businesses generating overflowing wealth to support whatever my community needs.  I dream of writing books and producing other products that help people live lives filled with more joy and satisfaction.

And my list goes on.  Like I said, I can’t help but dream big.  All the actions required to bring all my dreams into reality can’t possibly fit inside the fixed space of a 24-hour day or even a single week, month, or year.  And so it’s easy to accept that “voice” from my biological hardwiring that says, “You can do that someday.”

Ultimately, this fight — the fight within each of us — revolves around standards.  What standards will we tolerate for the life we’ll live?  The dreams we all have of a wonderful future necessitate change; otherwise we wouldn’t have those dreams.

But all results come only from action.  Tolerating excuses that our dreams will happen someday keeps pushing the realization of our dreams further and further into the future.

That’s because someday never comes.  Choosing to accept the excuse of someday is choosing to accept a standard of living life outside our dreams, and a standard of joy and satisfaction in life far below what they could be.  The joy and satisfaction of living our dreams will come only after we choose not to tolerate anything below the standards of our dreams.

We Latter-day Saints are familiar with standards.  We often link them with blessings.  Those who live the standards get the blessings that come from obedience.  Those who don’t live the standards don’t.

Ultimately, standards serve another purpose.  Standards provide boundaries that distinguish who belongs in the community and who doesn’t.  In like manner, the standards required for our dreams determine whether we’ll live them or not.  When we live by those standards, we move closer to our dreams.  When we don’t, we don’t.

If you want to live your dreams, you need to raise your standards.  Never tolerate someday.  Always tolerate nothing less than progress — even if it’s only a little each day — towards making your dreams reality.  When you stop focusing on what others did or didn’t do and start focusing on what you can do, you’ll start to feel the power that comes from moving towards your dreams.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

That’s true for anyone, LDS singles included.  How much injustice have we endured?  How often have we been considered an “other” or somehow “less than”?  The bitterness we singles can feel — and indeed many have felt — isn’t fundamentally different from the bitterness behind all the chaos currently tearing the country apart.  Bitterness is bitterness.  Hate is hate.

And so as we approach Father’s Day this year, I reflect upon the never-married single men who want to be fathers but feel embittered against the single women who have constantly rejected them.  I reflect upon the divorced single fathers who feel embittered from a broken marriage.  I reflect upon the widowed men who feel embittered after tragedy forces singleness upon them.  For these and so many others, what we need is forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

I was once quite embittered.  In fact, I often joked, “I’m so jaded, I’m diamond!”  — a tongue-in-cheek jab at the single sisters who somehow couldn’t see what a real find I was.

But that attitude never made me less single.  If anything, it kept me more single.  After all, who wants to live with bitterness?

And the ironic part is that the hatred bitterness always breeds is most fully directed against self.  One may think all of the hatred is directed outward, but how can people truly love others without also loving themselves?  We’re all children of the same Heavenly Father.

Only after I embraced forgiveness — of both myself and the imperfect ladies making imperfect choices regarding me — did healing begin to take hold in my heart.  And only after my heart had healed could I broadcast a more positive energy that then led to more positive dating experiences

Simply put, the failure to forgive will hold everyone back from living their best life.  Many singles harbor ill-will for both perceived and real injustices related to their singleness.  However justified singles may believe their feelings to be, bitterness will always consume more the longer it’s held.  Healing can’t happen until we let the bitterness go.

Chris Williams was a married man until a drunk teenage driver robbed him of his wife, then pregnant with their fifth child, and two of his other children.  He watched his wife’s last breath.  I can only imagine the sorrow this man endured.

If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Chris Williams, I highly recommend you watch the video in which Chris tells his story.  And if you’re anything like me, grab a box of tissues first because you will break a water main.

Of course, it’s not just single men who need to embrace forgiveness.  Everyone’s been wronged somehow.  Bitterness works the same way in anyone.  It knows no preference on whom it feeds.

And it doesn’t matter who is involved.  Bitterness will corrode and canker whatever soul contains it.  It works the same way on anyone.  Its antidote is also the same for anyone.  What we need is forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, there can never be healing.

So this Father’s Day, show your love for fathers by embracing forgiveness.  Forgive the man who was never the father you needed.  Or forgive the one who took your father from you.  Or forgive the man who has yet to be a father, especially if that man is you.

Whatever your situation, embrace forgiveness.  Let the healing begin.  Only then will come the peace and comfort you yearn to feel.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

I’m not sure what it was exactly.  It’s not like the situation this sister describes is abnormal, extraordinary, or unusual.  Confronting loneliness is part of the reality of singleness.  I just felt I should address the question posed in this post.

Don’t ask me to compare the loneliness of the never-married versus the divorced versus the widowed.  I don’t even know where to begin there, nor am I entirely certain that comparison would provide any real value.

What I do know is that I’ve had my own confrontation with loneliness and overcome it.  I know the depths of despair that can enter the heart from prolonged singleness.  I’ve been single for over two decades.  I also know the pure joy and hope that fill the heart and soul when you change the way you think and adopt a personal ministry.  And I know this is true because I’ve lived that joy and am living it now.

Most of the comments offered in response to this single mother’s question revolved around two approaches: hobbies and renewal activities.  They represent two ways of what I see as fundamentally the same approach.  And that approach doesn’t address the real issue at hand.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not against hobbies.  And I’m certainly not against participating in regular activities that renew the spirit, heart, mind, and body.  In fact, having regular renewal rituals is a great way to live life.  We all need to recharge from time to time.

Yet neither of these methods proposed to combat the loneliness we LDS singles encounter solve the problem.  They’re simply bandages covering the problem with a seemingly healthy and often pleasurable distraction.  Avoiding problems will never solve them.  Real solutions always require us to act.

That action starts when we change the way we think.  We need to discard the notion that we have to be married or have some significant other in our lives in order to be happy.  We need to stop conditioning our happiness on the choices of others.  And we need to throw off any vestige of any victim mentality we have and replace it with a victor mentality.  We need to own our lives, taking full responsibility for whatever results we do have and recognizing the power of our own choices in delivering to us the life we want.

Attitude without action will never bring you achievement. Some people get fired up with positive thinking, but then their lives don’t change because they didn’t really change, especially in the way they think.  Changed thinking always leads to changed action, which in turn always leads to a changed reality.

One of the best actions more effective ways of thinking always lead one to take is to adopt a personal ministry.  Your personal ministry is that unique contribution of goodness you make to the world, the cause through which you uplift and bless the lives of others.  We’ve discussed before on the program how adopting a personal ministry can help LDS singles overcome their challenges.  Here are just three of those reasons:

1. A personal ministry provides a sense of progression when other aspects of life (dating especially) can seem stagnant.
2. A personal ministry creates space for you to joy in the joy you bring to others through your personal ministry.
3. A personal ministry makes you more attractive to a potential spouse.

When you think about it, it’s not hard to understand why a personal ministry offers so much benefit for LDS singles seeking to overcome loneliness and other challenges we LDS singles face.  It aligns us with the path the Savior trod by turning ourselves outward towards others.

That’s in stark contrast to the bandage solutions mentioned earlier.  Again, I’m not against hobbies and renewal rituals.  But focusing exclusively here will turn ourselves inward towards ourselves.  That’s why they will never really solve the problem of loneliness.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with others in ways that remind us we aren’t ever really alone.  Only by turning ourselves outward can we connect with the Savior Who fills us with His love that helps us to know we aren’t ever really alone.

If you feel consumed by loneliness, consider your focus.  Your focus will always determines your reality.  Change your thinking, adopt a personal ministry, and turn yourself outward.  You’ll shift your focus towards others and shift your reality away from your problems and into your possibilities.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.

In addition to the scriptures-Spirit-assimilation model we discussed last week, the Prince of Peace provides additional aids and comforts.  Elder Neil L. Andersen spoke of such aids in his address from the last General Conference entitled “Spiritually Defining Memories.”  These memories recall moments in our lives when the Spirit provides strong confirmation that God knows and loves us individually.  They provide courage in times of concern and faith in times of fear.  They help us to know that God knows that we know He will not forsake us.

Elder Andersen began his remarks by recounting the experience of Joseph Smith with his spiritually defining memories of the First Vision.  The Prophet Joseph faced persecution and hardship because of both his experience and his witness of that experience.

But God never forsook him.  Even when he rode towards his assassination, he remarked, “I am going like a lamb to the slaughter, but I am calm as a summer’s morning; I have a conscience void of offense towards God, and towards all men” (D&C 135:4).   He knew that God knew that he knew God would not forsake him.

Elder Andersen then jumps to an experience from our current Prophet, President Russell M. Nelson.  Some years ago while President Nelson was a practicing heart surgeon, an elderly stake patriarch pleaded with him to perform a surgery he desperately needed.  The then-Dr. Nelson describes vivid pictures of how to perform the needed operation which came clearly into his mind during the surgery.  As Elder Andersen relates, “he knew that God knew that he knew he had been directed.”

Elder Andersen provided more examples from both his own life and others he knew.  What strikes me about each of these experiences, including the ones from modern-day prophets, is that God always individually tailors whatever offering He provides.

As I accept Elder Andersen’s invitation to reflect on my own spiritually defining memories, I can see the same holds true for me.  Throughout my life, and especially as a single Latter-day Saint, God has always individually tailored His offerings to me.  I know that God knows that I know He loves me and is aware of me and my circumstances.

I remember one moment in which I felt particularly discouraged.  As is sometimes my habit, I was listening to Internet radio as I worked.  But in this moment, discouragement clouded my concentration, preventing me from focusing as well as I could on my task.

Then the Internet radio station began playing a song I had never before heard.  It spoke powerfully to the deepest parts of my soul, reaffirming my eternal worth and potential.  In that moment, I knew that God knew that I knew He treasured me and has always wanted so very much to bless me.

Elder Andersen provides this description:

God supports us in our eternal journey with spiritually defining memories.

Ultimately, our ability to have those experiences that provide spiritually defining memories in our lives depends first on the will of God — because if He wants something to happen, it will, and if He doesn’t, it won’t — and secondly on our willingness to hear Him.   President Nelson has recently invited us “to think deeply and often about this key question: How do you hear Him?” as well as “to take steps to hear Him better and more often.”

The row we LDS singles have can be hard to hoe, but with the Lord at our side there is nothing we cannot accomplish.  The better we hear Him, the more we’ll feel His love and support.  He’ll bring spiritually defining memories to our remembrance, and He’ll graciously grant us more experiences that make more spiritually defining memories.  As Elder Andersen counseled,

What spiritually defining memories are yours?  As you reflect on those sacred transmissions of love from your Heavenly Father, you will feel more of His love for you.  You’ll position yourself to hear Him better.  You’ll know that He knows that you know He loves you.  And that will bring you more joy in your journey.