The Christmas season is now in full swing upon us once again. It’s time once more for yuletide cheer and merriment. This is my favorite time of year. Of course, along with the traditions we each practice with the season, we should always remember the reason for the season. Good thoughts and deeds are always appropriate and even more so as we remember He who gave us the best example of good thoughts and deeds. It was He who taught “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). To that end, last year the Church promoted a campaign aimed at sharing the light we have with everyone around us during the Christmas season. Appropriately, it was called Light the World. This year the Church has renewed that campaign. And I can’t think of a more appropriate way to celebrate the real reason for the season. Learn it As it did last year, Light the World focuses on individual action. The Church provides leadership in the form of short videos explaining ways to light the world during each of the 25 days of Christmas. These videos and the corresponding calendar show how we can individually light the world. I just love this bare-bones campaign. It fosters an effort that depends upon us for success. And that encourages us to live the gospel — really live it by putting it into action. The Master taught, “Ye shall know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16). Our actions tell everyone who we really are. For what will we be known? Will those around us know us for the goodness we have? How can that happen if we don’t share the goodness we have? Lighting the world will also light our world. Only by putting the gospel into action by living it will we ever know how real it really is. Only by setting that example can we light the way for others to know that for themselves as well. Love it I love the gospel more when I live to set that good example. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know God is good and will bless us abundantly. That goodness is easier both to see and to feel when we actively participate in spreading that love to others. People don’t light candles to hide them but rather to provide light so all may see (Matthew 5:15). In like manner, we should freely bring goodness into the world so that others can see and feel the love of God in their lives. When we do, we can’t help but love our lives more. Just like last year, the Church has provided help with their Light the World calendar. Each day has suggestions of ways to spread goodness and thereby light the world. In addition, we can adopt our own ideas for action. I’ve discussed previously my tradition of closing out the year by studying the Sermon on the Mount. I’ve felt love in my heart grow as I’ve taken daily action in response to my Sermon on the Mount study. Most of my actions have been small in nature, but the added light I feel inside of me has been substantial. How can any honest soul not love that? Live it That seems to be at least some of the intention behind Light the World, and I love it. We make the gospel more real by actually living it. And anyone who has read my posts since 2014 knows I’m all about real. Of course, that reality doesn’t have to stop with the coming of Christmas Day, nor should it. We can feel God’s love every day by continuing to share that love with others every day. The Church’s Light the World calendar is a great aid during the 25 days leading to Christmas, but what’s to stop any of us from making our own calendar for every day of December and any other month of the year? Only ourselves. It’s only by living true principles that we come to feel their reality in our lives. It’s only by giving love to others that we can feel the full extent of love in our own lives. We can choose for ourselves what light we will give to others. When we live true to that conviction to bring goodness into the world every day, we’ll have more joy in our journey.
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It wouldn’t be so bad if we’d stop comparing ourselves unfairly. Whether against other people or some idealized standard, many Latter-day Saints feel they fall short of what and where they should be. And many of those Latter-day Saints are single. They look at their lives and think they should be married by now. It’s then easy to jump to the conclusion that something must be wrong with them and that’s why they’re still single. Other LDS singles reach a corollary conclusion with just as much erroneous logic. They believe they’re not good enough — not handsome or pretty enough, not funny enough, not cool enough, not whatever enough. If only they were a more attractive person, they reason, then they wouldn’t be stuck in their single status. That’s why I love Elder Holland’s remarks. He reminds us that we are good enough, that we don’t need to bridge today the entire distance between where we are and where we want to be, that our journey can be joyful if we improve our approach to it. We can be perfect . . . eventually. Lighten up That last word eventually is key. It reminds us that our journey is more than just a few steps. Our journey comprises many, many steps — more than we can possibly take in this mortal life. Perfection, the final result of reaching our final destination, won’t come in this life. Why then give us the commandment to be perfect? Elder Holland believes at least one reason is to give glory to God and show what we can achieve in the eternities to come. Knowing the perfection of God can create gratitude that our imperfections need not be the end of us. God in his perfection will make up for what we lack. Of course, that doesn’t justify ignoring our covenants. Elder Holland explains,
How often do we LDS singles criticize ourselves for whatever failings we have? When we let go of our need to be perfect now, we’ll find it easier to let go of our repeating patterns of self-criticism. Look for good enough Elder Holland reminds us that “except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing.” He then advocates avoiding excessive expectations for achieving perfection in others as well as in ourselves. That got me thinking. Many LDS singles expect perfection in the eternal companion they seek. They create this ideal that very few if any could actually reach. After all, you don’t want to spend eternity with imperfect. But by limiting their prospective candidate pool, they limit their probability of success. They make it harder to find that eternal companion. Elder Holland reminds us that no one is perfect. That means the eternal companion you’re looking for is imperfect. If you go about looking for perfection, you’ll not likely find your eternal companion because that imperfect person will never fit your insistence on perfection. Since the person you seek is not perfect, then you should really be looking for good enough. That doesn’t mean you have no standards. Good enough implies that some standards have been met. You just don’t want so many standards that you reduce your likelihood of success too much. Having standards that are too exacting can yield the same result. Balance is the key. Be willing When we partake of the sacrament each week, we do not pledge to be perfect. We do not witness we’ll take upon ourselves the name of Christ, always remember him, and keep his commandments. We witness we are willing to do these things (see D&C 20:77). That pledge of willingness allows space for slips and failings. We strive for perfection while at the same time forgiving both ourselves and others for shortcomings. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need saving. So we don’t need to be perfect to be saved. We just need to be good enough — good enough to receive the gift of grace that bridges any gap. And if we just need to be good enough, then that’s all anyone else needs to be as well. I love Elder Holland’s concluding remarks:
May we all stop looking for perfection in this mortal life while never stopping to strive after it as part of our more eternal journey. When we do, we’ll have more joy in our journey.
Last week we discussed our need to continue looking for the answers we need in our lives no matter how long it takes. Certainly that process will involve prayer. If your prayers are anything like mine have more often been, you’ll be quite familiar with the checklist exercise. Even if you begin by thanking God for your blessings, your prayers can still be rote activities in which you repeat the same vain desires for your life to be better. Is there a way to take prayer up a notch? Of course there is! The answer lies in the Sermon on the Mount. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the Sermon on the Mount may be the best handbook ever written on discipleship. I’ve also described an annual tradition I have of studying the Sermon on the Mount during the last 40 days of the year as a way to renew my own discipleship of the Master. This tradition has benefited me greatly. One of those benefits has been insights into taking my prayers to the next level. Here’s one such insight: If you want to take your prayers to the next level, have a care for His work. Thy Kingdom come
The first words (“after this manner”) indicate that what follows is a model. Examining each part of this model reveals its structure: First comes an acknowledgment of God and His work. Then comes a pleading for our needs, both temporal and spiritual. The final part connects with the first by again acknowledging God. Thanking God for our blessings is one way to say, “Hallowed be thy name.” But what comes after — “Thy kingdom come” — is something few of us practice. We rarely discuss with Him our own individual participation in His work. And yet it is one of the key practices for taking our prayers to the next level. The better approach It makes sense when you think about it. One of the purposes of prayer is to build a relationship with our Heavenly Father. Which approach is more conducive towards fostering that relationship? Approaching someone to speak only of your needs and wants? Or approaching someone to speak of his or her needs and wants? Obviously it’s the latter. Yet so many of our prayers are more the former. We disburse a list of everything God needs to do for us so that our lives will be better. Yet how better would our lives really be if we approached Him to discuss His needs and wants? We know what those are. “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). Is it any wonder that the Master first taught His disciples “Thy kingdom come” before teaching them “Give us this day our daily bread”? This of course doesn’t mean we should never bring our own needs and wants before our Maker. We just shouldn’t lead with it. You build a relationship with someone by having an outward focus, and that means leading with their needs and wants, not yours. Advance His workGod’s work is so expansive that the possibilities for our prayers are truly endless. That’s quite fitting since Endless is His name (D&C 19:10). You could talk about those who you home teach or visit teach. You could discuss your efforts to find the names of your ancestors and provide them with the opportunity to have the ordinances of salvation and exaltation. You could talk about your member missionary activities. Or you could discuss your current calling in your ward or stake. Perhaps you’re struggling with bringing an inactive member of your ward or your family back into Church activity. You could even discuss your own personal ministry. Every effort to bring goodness into the world advances God’s work. And I’ve long advocated partnering with the Lord to embrace your own personal ministry. Whatever aspect of God’s work you choose for your focus as you lead your prayers, you’ll notice an immediate change in the quality of your prayers as you begin with a care for His work. That’s been my experience. If you want to get out of a repetitive prayer rut, or you just want to improve your prayers, trying having a care for His work. The increase in the quality of your prayers will result in an improved your relationship with your Heavenly Father that you can feel. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Over the years, I’ve thought about Mormon’s description of the Nephite people in Alma 50:23: “But behold there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi, since the days of Nephi, than in the days of Moroni, yea, even at this time, in the twenty and first year of the reign of the judges.” More recently, I’ve pondered upon these questions:
It’s no surprise to learn Mormon picks this time out of the roughly 1000-year history of his people. His descriptions of Captain Moroni reveal Mormon as a huge fan of the young commander. Giving his son the same name, Mormon likely admired him as a sort of mentor, since they both held the same military position. But is Mormon really picking this time as the happiest among the entire Nephite history because this is when their equivalent to Captain America had his adventures in mortality? Again, what was it about this time that made it the happiest? Let’s examine that. Preparing for war The year 69 AD saw the Nephite nation living under the threat of war. Just two years previous, Amalickiah was defeated after gaining the Lamanite throne by deceit and waging an unsuccessful military campaign to subjugate the Nephites. Captain Moroni spent the following year preparing his nation for war. He knew Amalickiah would return, and he wanted his people to be ready. They built new, fortified cities as well as fortified those cities already in existence. Those preparations continued on into the next year, the time when “there never was a happier time.” We don’t know much else about that year. The people were busy preparing for war. How does preparing for war create the happiest time ever? Mormon’s commentary may provide a clue. He gets sidetracked talking about how Nephite history has verified the Lord’s promises. Troubles always came to the people when they forgot God and abandoned their covenants. On the other hand, those who remembered their covenants were always delivered. Immediately after this observation, Mormon comments that this time was the happiest ever since the days of Nephi. Could this observation have something to do with creating that happy situation? Remembering the founder Nephi himself described his people in his day living “after the manner of happiness” (2 Nephi 5:27). What exactly does that mean? Nephi had separated himself from his older brothers because they sought to kill him. Nephi didn’t leave alone; he took with him “those who believed in the warnings and the revelations of God” (2 Nephi 5:6). In other words, Nephi left with those who wanted to make and keep sacred covenants with God. And what did they do once they established their separate community? Nephi’s words explain it all:
Here Nephi describes two main activities:
We see the same activities among the Nephites in 69 AD. They were certainly industrious as they built new cities and fortified existing ones. And Mormon’s commentary suggests they were probably turning to the Lord. Why else would he have thought to insert that commentary? Taking a lesson What lesson here can LDS singles apply to their lives? Even though they lived under the threat of war, the Nephites were happiest when they were mindful about keeping their covenants with the Lord and industrious in meeting their temporal needs. LDS singles can follow that example. We singles may lack the covenant of marriage in our lives, but we’ve made other covenants at baptism and in the temple. Holding fast to those covenants we have made can provide strength to endure well the challenges of our lives. Temple service in particular can provide perspective to see the opportunity amidst the obstacles. Nephi mentioned having a temple, and I’m sure it wasn’t just for decoration. We singles should do what we can to include the temple more in our own lives. We singles can also be industrious in meeting our temporal needs. This industrious attitude can and should extend to our own personal ministries. God gives each of us gifts so we can contribute to His work. By focusing on utilizing those gifts in our own personal ministry, we bless our own lives by blessing the lives of others. The Nephites lived their happiest time when they filled their days with devotion to the Lord and hard work. We LDS singles can have our happiest time when we follow that example. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
Although Elder Pingree does not confine his remarks to singles, engaging a personal ministry can fill LDS singles with strength to face their challenges. God has given every one of us gifts to help us with the divine assignments that comprise our personal ministry. Great joy awaits those who embrace those gifts to assist God in His work. Discover your gifts It’s OK if you don’t know what your gifts are. Discovering them is part of the process of embracing them. Through the work discovery requires, you’ll become more endeared to your gifts and can more fully appreciate them. I love Elder Pingree’s counsel to “approach decision points in our lives—like what to study, what to do for work, or where to live—in the context of helping others.” Such an outward focus aligns well with the support network LDS singles groups should be. More importantly, this approach follows the Savior’s example. A priesthood holder giving a blessing never places his hands on his own head. Rather he places his hands only on the heads of others. That’s because the priesthood is all about serving others. This is how the Savior fulfilled His personal ministry. And it’s how we can fulfill ours as well. Elder Pingree taught,
Partnering with the Lord can help us discover our gifts and then develop them. Leverage adversity We’ve all heard adversity has positive benefits. One such benefit is help in discovering our gifts. Experiencing our adversity gives us knowledge obtainable only through that experience. That knowledge gives us opportunity to help others who experience similar adversity in their lives. Elder Pingree told the story of a human resources professional who was laid off. This man started his own company aimed at helping others find employment. In this way he used his experience to serve others. And in the process, he found a more meaningful career for himself. That story reflects my own in developing this forum. A woman I asked out brushed me off without really getting to know me. After almost 20 years of that treatment, I decided to start a blog on 12/12/12 that could help others. What started as a simple release valve has grown into so much more. Although the lack of comments to these blog posts suggests otherwise, hundreds of LDS singles have been helped to meet their challenges with faith in the Lord and hope for their future. One such single whom I called Lydia expressed special appreciation for that help. Many more LDS singles will be helped. Next year, Joy in the Journey Radio goes live with a weekly Internet broadcast. Between that and the social media outlets to come, I’m hoping to bless the lives of many more LDS singles throughout the world. Can you see how using a focus on others amidst adversity has helped me to discover my gifts as well as pursue my personal ministry? This is what happens when you partner with the Lord to pursue your own personal ministry. He can show you your gifts and how to develop them. And He can strengthen you as you use those gifts in advancing your own personal ministry, which is really just your individual threads in the great tapestry of His work. Avoid distractions Satan will of course attempt to dissuade us from contributing to that mighty cause. Sin may be his most frequently used tool, but other avenues at his disposal can be equally effective. He can distract us with a preoccupation on worldly things or discourage us with feelings of inadequacy or perceptions that our work is too great for us to accomplish. However, as we walk in faith by keeping our focus on following the Savior, we need not allow Satan to prevent us from fulfilling our personal ministry. We can “be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of [our] own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness” (D&C 58:27). And it need not end there. I love the quote from President Russell M. Nelson that Elder Pingree shared in his address.
When we partner with the Lord, we can do anything He requires. Our personal ministries can further His work and bless the lives of countless others. And that will bring more joy in our journey.
Like anything else in life involving other people with their own agency, you can do everything right and still come up short. In the world of LDS dating, coming up short means experiencing pain. Often this pain results from others’ choices, choices outside your direct control. I firmly believe life is what we make of it. I can’t preach the gospel of owning your life and believe otherwise. At the same time, I accept that some elements of my life are outside my control. There I control only my response. The natural man or woman inside each of us takes offense rather easily. We can quickly make the case for why we should be avenged for the wrongs we receive from other Latter-day Saints while dating. We’ve all been there and done that. I even have the shirt, the hat, and the jacket! But holding on to feelings of resentment and bitterness doesn’t improve your single situation nor make you any more attractive to the companion you’re seeking. Life isn’t always easy, but your journey can be easier when you drop the extra baggage. Insist on right Forgiveness allows us to release the negativity that in effect separates us from God. That’s probably not our intention when we fail to forgive someone. We’re not consciously thinking our grudge will bring us closer to the Lord. Usually we’re thinking about our righteousness in demanding justice for the wrongs we suffer. Our wrongs may very well demand justice. But we don’t dispense that. “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19). We may fool ourselves into thinking that our grudge helps bring about the right. But what righteousness does any grudge really bring? Does focusing on that pain make us any less single? Does refusing to release our anger make us any more attractive to a potential companion? If we want to insist on right, we should let go of our grudges, because they don’t rightfully belong to us. They’re the Lord’s, and His is the right to redress them. He’ll do that in His own way and His own time. Our right is to allow Him His right and focus on increasing our discipleship as we journey home to Him. Increase your tolerance Perhaps some of us demand too much of ourselves. Because celestial marriage is eternal in nature, it’s not a far leap to think that every little thing about securing that eternity must go correctly, or we’ll suffer an eternity of less — less happiness, less fulfillment, less satisfaction, less joy. Yes, what we do matters. Our choices today determine our tomorrow. At the same time, life holds room for making mistakes along the way. Every little thing doesn’t have to be exactly just so for our journey to end gloriously. Not allowing for those mistakes can hold us back. When we fail to forgive others, we deny them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and thereby grow into something more. When we fail to forgive ourselves, we deny ourselves the same opportunity. Isn’t that why we’re all here? Aren’t we supposed to be growing into something more than we were before? We can always learn from any experience and leverage it to our advantage. Let it go I recall being in love some years ago with someone who married someone else. She called me on my birthday to tell me about this other guy. And then a couple of weeks later, I learned I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I was severely depressed for months. In an effort to support me, some of my friends berated her. I quickly chided them. Yes, she hurt me extensively, but I still loved her and didn’t want to have someone I loved treated that way. At the same time, I severed all connection with her. She later tried contacting me, perhaps feeling remorse over how she treated me. But she’d caused too much pain for me to trust her not to hurt me again. Forgiving others doesn’t mean you must associate with them. It simply means you release your negative emotions — the anger, the bitterness, the resentment. Forgiveness like love should be unconditional. Trust, on the other hand, must be earned. We’ve all been hurt along our dating journey. Only when we drop the extra baggage can we free ourselves to move forward in the way we should. When we apply complete forgiveness to our hearts, we become truly healed. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
Stake and ward leaders as well the singles themselves all play a part in ministering more effectively to LDS singles. However, some local leaders are unwilling to change their thinking about how best to minister to LDS singles. Exercising patience with reluctant leaders follows the path the Savior marked. While it may take years to realize, positive change inevitably awaits all who pursue it with diligence and patience. That may not appear apparent while traversing the path. Not able to see the end from the beginning, we can easily lose heart. Other realities of LDS singles life can provide a similar view. Unable to see the end we desire after years of trying, we can feel to give up on ourselves and our righteous desires. In such moments, we would do well to remember the Psalmist’s words: “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalms 37:4). The eternal plan Our Heavenly Father sent each of us to mortality so we could have growth experiences we couldn’t otherwise have. He never accepted this plan grudgingly. He embraces it because He wants to bless us more than we could possibly imagine. Not seeing the end from the beginning, we can easily forget that truth. But we wouldn’t need to walk by faith if we could see everything. Exercising trust in the Lord is part of the necessary process we need to grow according to His plan. We can more easily trust in the Lord when we delight in Him. If a righteous activity feels more like drudgery than delight, that’s a sign we need to change ourselves. To receive the glorious end, we must stay on the right path. But we also need to maintain the right perspective. We must believe in order to receive. That means acting in faith, nothing doubting, that our righteous desires for this life are possible, irrespective of our past experiences. That belief comes easier when we delight in the Lord. The parable of the strawberry jam The greatest blessings always come according to (1) the Lord’s timetable and (2) our diligence in doing the right things for us. As a boy, I spent some summers on my grandmother’s farm. Her homemade strawberry jam on homemade bread was delightful. But to get that delight, the strawberries first had to grow in the garden. Then I had to do the right things with the berries — pick them, clean them, and combine them with the right ingredients in the right amounts. Any deviation diminished the joy I experienced when that slather of strawberry jam entered my mouth. Our road to eternal blessings is very much like that road to homemade strawberry jam. We must allow natural processes to take their course. Sometimes we need to grow before we’re ready to receive what we want. Sometimes others need to grow. Other times, we need to wait for the right person to cross our path. In any event, we need patience while the Lord works to bring us the opportunities for our blessings. Once the time is right, we must do the right things. You don’t get jam in the garden; you get jam in the jar after doing the right things with the berries. Likewise, righteous blessings will never be ours unless we do the right things with the timely opportunities the Lord provides for us. That means more than just keeping the standards. It means doing what’s needful to get what we want. Nearness to Him We can know what those right things are for us when we partner with the Lord. He can reveal to us what we need to do to move ourselves closer to righteous blessings. That relationship can also provide the strength needed to walk by faith. It all comes more easily when we delight ourselves in Him. Nephi understood what it meant to delight in the Lord. He wanted to be not just in the Lord’s presence but so close he’d be encircled “in the robe of [His] righteousness” (2 Nephi 4:33). Could Nephi have gained the strength to set the example he did because he delighted in the Lord? We have many opportunities to near ourselves to the Lord and delight more in Him. General Conference is just around the corner. Prayer, fasting, scripture study, and temple attendance all provide opportunities to near ourselves to the Lord and delight in Him when we approach the activity with the proper attitude. In any event, the Spirit can help us understand what right actions are best for us today. When we heed that still, small voice, we’re bound to have more joy in our journey.
Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year, and I’m far from alone in that sentiment. Part of the attraction assuredly is the increase in good thoughts and good deeds everywhere around us. While there are exceptions as I discovered this weekend among the shopping crowds, there are also bright spots of goodness that convey the true spirit of the season. In fact, if we look for them, I believe we will see there are more bright spots around us than the alternative. This holiday season the Church has been promoting a new effort to celebrate the Christ in Christmas. If you have not heard of it, then you need to get up to speed. Participating in that effort can help you to see there really are more bright spots of goodness around us than the alternative. Very appropriately, it’s called Light the World. Learn it
In that respect, Light the World is like my traditional Sermon on the Mount study. Each day during the last 40 days of the year, I study a pre-selected number of verses from the Sermon on the Mount and then choose how I’ll apply those verses that day. It can be large or small, but it must be completed that day. I’ve learned how real the gospel is because I’m living it. Love it Making the gospel more real has helped me to love it more. I can’t predict the future, but I can have faith that God is good and will bless me abundantly. That goodness is easier both to see and to feel when we actively participate in spreading that love to others. People don’t light candles to hide them but rather to provide light so all may see (Matthew 5:15). In like manner, we should freely bring goodness into the world so that others can see and feel the love of God in their lives. When we do, we can’t help but love our lives more. The Church has provided a tremendous help with their Light the World calendar. Each day has suggestions of ways to spread goodness and thereby light the world. But we can also adopt our own ideas for action. I know one LDS single who used Facebook to organize an effort to help a needy family this Christmas season. It started with just herself, but as others slowly added their efforts, the entire contribution became much, much larger. If you were to ask this single adult how she feels about her effort, I’m sure she would tell you how much she loves not only it but also the family she decided to help. I haven’t organized any such effort, but I have felt love in my heart grow as I have taken daily action in response to my Sermon on the Mount study. Most of my actions have been small in nature, but the added light I feel inside of me has been substantial. How can any honest soul not love that? Live it That seems to be at least some of the intention behind Light the World, and I love it. We make the gospel more real by actually living it. And anyone who has read my posts since 2014 knows I’m all about real. Of course, that reality doesn’t have to stop with the coming of Christmas Day, nor should it. We can feel God’s love every day by continuing to share that love with others every day. The Church’s Light the World calendar is a great aid during the 25 days leading to Christmas, but what’s to stop any of us from making our own calendar for every day of December? What’s to stop us from doing the same for any other month of the year? Only ourselves. It’s only by living true principles that we come to feel their reality in our lives. It’s only by giving love to others that we can feel the full extent of love in our own lives. We can choose for ourselves what light we will give to others. And when we live true to that conviction to bring goodness into the world every day, we will have more joy in our journey.
Heaven indeed hears our cries. This past weekend the Church released a new series of seven videos. I’m excited to see what seems like the Brethren in Salt Lake attempting to change the culture of the Church. Without diminishing the role of the family in the gospel plan, they seem to be encouraging members to replace our current family-centered culture with a Christ-centered culture, one in which all members feel they belong. The speakers in the new videos don’t directly call out the problem of singles not fitting in with the family-centered culture of the Church, although they scream that very message as I watch them. I suspect the Brethren want to speak in more general terms so their message can have broader application. Whatever their reasoning, I support the Brethren. Although not every video addresses the problem many singles have with attending church, most of them do. And they do it without mentioning the words single, married, or family. Here’s the new videos by speaker and title.
Note that all the brethren are apostles and the two sisters serve in general auxiliary presidencies. Although all these videos are outstanding, the comments from Elder Christofferson and Sister McConkie most impressed me. Walking together Since I’m a gentleman, let’s consider the lady first. Sister McConkie does a bang-up job of calling attention to the neglected and ignored among us. Even though she never says the word single, you know she’s talking about singles. Sister McConkie admits she knows “people who come to church every Sunday so they can be inspired and uplifted and who just simply walk away feeling judged and unloved, unneeded, like there is no place for them at church. We need to do this differently.” Can I get an amen? Seriously, if that’s not a call to change the culture, albeit a tongue-in-cheek one, I don’t know what is. She continues, We cannot allow judgement to dictate the way we interact with people. It’s just not right. . . . We just cannot be or even call ourselves a disciple of Christ if we are not helping others along that path. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize people. People marginalize people. And we have to fix that. We need to be sensitive and love them and allow them the opportunity to grow and to blossom and to be their best selves. They have talents and abilities and personality that is needed in the kingdom of God, and if we’re going to build the kingdom of God on the earth we need everyone to come, to come and do their part. And we need to recognize that. When anyone’s shadow darkens the door of the chapel, they ought to feel immediately embraced and loved and lifted and inspired, that when they walk out that door, to go and be better because they know the Lord loves them and because they have friends in their faith. Wow! That sweet vision would make a wonderful reality for LDS singles everywhere! We need to walk together, singles and marrieds, helping each other along the journey to our eternal home. I love that bit about building the kingdom. If we’re going to be serious — I mean really serious — about building God’s Kingdom on earth, then we have to include every faithful soul. We do play a part, but it’s not about us. It’s about everyone, and that means reaching out to include everyone so everyone can play their part. Coming together Elder Christofferson does no less in maintaining that glorious banner. He directly pursues the question of fitting in with a positive and emphatic yes. Like the speakers in the other videos, he never uses words like single, married, and family. Yet we all know his words apply in that context. He then brings up Paul’s classic analogy that we’re all “many members yet but one body” in Christ (1 Corinthians 12:20). I especially love Paul’s rhetoric questions: "If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?” (1 Corinthians 12:15–17) In God’s design for His Kingdom, everyone willing to make covenants with Him is needed. The problem comes when many LDS singles don’t feel needed. I love how Elder Christofferson acknowledges the reality of such feelings and then offers a two prong solution: The diversity we find now in the Church may be just the beginning. Frankly, I think we’ll see greater and greater diversity. In the ancient church there was tremendous diversity. And it’s not just diversity for diversity’s sake, but the fact that people can bring different gifts and perspectives and the wide range of experience and backgrounds and challenges that people face will show us what really is essential in the gospel of Christ and that much of the rest that’s been perhaps acquired over time and is more cultural than doctrinal can slip away and we can really learn to be disciples. So on the one hand, we’ve got to be better as a people at receiving and helping and walking together with everybody, and on the other hand, every individual needs to be determined that they’re going to have a place in the kingdom of God. They’re going to have a place in the body of Christ. And others who are thoughtless or careless or worse can’t prohibit that, can’t drive them away, can’t take it away from them” (emphasis added). Yes, LDS singles need to own their life and control their reality by controlling their focus. At the same time, I love Elder Christofferson’s recognition that some of what we do is “more cultural than doctrinal [and] can slip away.” I’ll gladly place our alienating family-centered culture on that list. Of course, changing that culture means coming together and being real disciples of the Master. But isn’t that we should be doing anyway? Rising together A new day is dawning. The time when LDS singles needed to have the mark of belonging to the Church community to get the help they need is dying. Rising is a time when true disciples of the Lord reach out and bring all willing to make covenants with God together in a grand, diverse unity of the faith. Single and married will be situations, not identities. And the culture we embrace and promote will center on the Savior, He Who spilt His precious blood so that all of us could be redeemed. The time has come for us to walk together. The time has come for us to embrace a true unity of the faith. The time has come for us to be true disciples of Christ and start building the Kingdom for real. The time has come for us to change the culture.
As I read his address, I began to see more of the profundity behind the simple truth that we are children of a loving Heavenly Father. Elder Hallstrom repeatedly proclaims throughout his remarks that this identity should be the preeminent one in our lives. And that caught my attention, because often I’m not convinced it really is, especially for LDS singles. Remember the true center The culture of the Church centers on family. I wish it centered on Christ. After all, everything else about the Church does. The doctrine, the scriptures, the priesthood, the ordinances — everything about the Church centers on Christ except for the family-centered culture. That’s why the mark of belonging is being married with kids. And you need both elements to belong, hence the struggles of childless married couples as well as singles to feel like they really fit in. If the culture centered on Christ, then the mark of belonging would be discipleship of the Savior. That’s one reason why Elder Hallstrom’s address resonated with me. What if we saw each other not through the lens of martial status but rather that of divine lineage? What unity could we develop with that perspective? How much better prepared would we as a people be to receive the Lord when He comes again? Our Lord has said, “If ye are not one, ye are not mine” (D&C 38:27). I don’t know about you, but I want to be the Lord’s. Remember your divine heritage Early in his remarks, Elder Hallstrom shares, “A correct understanding of our heavenly heritage is essential to our exaltation.” Why is that? Let me answer with another question. How do we really understand our purpose here in mortality unless we understand where we came from? Knowing we’re children of God promotes faith in Him that our existence here is part of a much grander plan to make us glorious beyond description. That perspective can help us face the storms of life. Elder Hallstrom referenced many of those storms when he said, In real life, we face actual, not imagined, hardships. There is pain—physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we had anticipated. There is injustice when we do not seem to deserve our situation. There are disappointments when someone we trusted failed us. There are health and financial setbacks that can be disorienting. There may be times of question when a matter of doctrine or history is beyond our current understanding. Certainly that list of trials describes life for many LDS singles. And so the questions Elder Hallstrom poses are just as pertinent. What is our response when confronting difficulty? Do we forget our divine heritage and cower in fear before the very experiences that we need to grow and claim the glory that is our birthright? Or do we remember our divine heritage and embrace the challenges before us, looking for the opportunities in the experiences that form part of the plan our Heavenly Father has instigated for our eternal destiny? Elder Hallstrom shares a remark made by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland while teaching about this principle. Said Elder Holland, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better.” What a perspective!
We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God. Unfortunately, for many LDS singles the family-centered culture of the Church can be a part of that world causing them to forget who they really are. We LDS singles can focus so much on the marital status we don’t have that we forget the much more meaningful identity we do have. Remembering that identity can help us better access our Lord’s Atonement, which can strengthen us as we encounter the pains, the heartbreaks, the injustices, and the disappointments that come to us in mortality.
And here’s the best part. If we LDS singles would focus more on our discipleship than on our marital status, we could change the culture that presents us with one of our greatest challenges. We could influence its center to move towards Christ. We could all — single and married — come together and truly be one. We could increase our power as a people to stand firm in support of our covenants and the truths of the gospel, including the institution of the family. So remember who you are. That divine heritage can help you to reach for the light and have more joy in your journey. |
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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