The natural man and woman (and yes, they are worth distinguishing) drive the dating decisions of far too many LDS singles to prize the worldly over the eternal. The natural mindset informs our assumptions about what’s acceptable, which in turn drives our dating thinking and dating behavior. When you view the bigger picture, it’s not hard to see we need to reject the natural mindset. Begin with awarenessThis may shock many, but it needs to be said because awareness is the first step towards positive change. The vast majority of LDS singles make decisions about dating with the natural mindset. They prioritize self and attributes that don’t really matter in the hereafter (or even very long in this life, for that matter) over what will truly matter in the eternities to come. Their thinking is all about this life and more specifically, their life. In contrast, the covenant mindset prioritizes making and keeping sacred covenants. Covenant men and women value consistently living the restored gospel. Having a covenant-minded partner is more important to them than physical attraction, money, fame, or status. Covenant men and women will choose to date someone who may lack in those attributes but who has that commitment to the covenant lifestyle. Now, I want to make clear I’m not suggesting any two active LDS singles should come together on that basis alone. We’re not interchangeable parts. We’re all unique, nuanced individuals, and our dating decisions should acknowledge that individuality. But that individuality finds best expression within a covenant relationship with someone who prioritizes covenant living. Recognize the dangerYet many LDS singles prioritize finding someone who today excels in desired attributes. They want perfection up front when the perfection they insist on having really comes only after a lifetime of work. It’s an impossible standard leaving many singles unnecessarily single. And there’s a dangerous assumption lurking behind that standard. It’s the assumption your marriage is all about you — your happiness, your life, your eternity. But correctly understood, your marriage is not about you. Yes, it has to do with you, but it’s not entirely about you nor even principally about you. Your marriage is about your companion and your children — the family you’ll create together. That often means giving up something you want for yourself in order to prioritize something for them. That’s why the natural mindset is so dangerous. Thinking your marriage is all about you engenders a selfish approach to dating and marriage, one that prioritizes what you want over making and keeping sacred covenants. What do you expect results from that approach? It’s exactly what we increasingly see — more and more singles remaining single and more and more singles who do get married struggling to make their marriage last. You don’t get maximum happiness outside covenant living, and the covenant lifestyle doesn’t work when you prioritize self over covenant living. Correct your thinking And that’s why the natural man and the natural woman are enemies of God. When you prioritize self over covenants, you prevent families, which play a key role in our Heavenly Father’s plan, from being created and nourished. The real obstruction is the insistence on having nothing but the best in a companion. It’s the associated idea that “settling for second best” can’t lead to happiness that prevents us from having our maximum happiness. Only inside sacred covenants can we find maximum happiness. Happiness is about giving, not having. So few of us are genuinely top shelf by worldly standards anyway that allowing the natural mindset to drive our dating decisions under the false belief that “settling for second best” leads only to misery is what’s really making us miserable. If you want your dating journey to lead to maximum happiness, reject the natural mindset. Start by learning what you need to reject. Consciously choose to act with a priority of covenant living rather than selfish desire. And embrace Christ’s wondrous Atonement. When you do, He’ll purify your desires so that what you sincerely want is what you should want. Then making the right choices becomes easier. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
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It takes practice, but it’s not difficult to think like the opposite gender. Both men and women think logically and rationally. Yes, it’s true. Men use intellectual logic based in reason. Women use emotional logic based in feeling. Once you understand these principles, remembering five magic words can help you experience more dating success. Dealing with men Of course, men and women have their own five magic words because men and women think differently. So first, brethren, let’s be gentlemen and help the ladies understand the five magic words for men: It must make intellectual sense. Now, I can already hear some of you objecting, “Men are always following their hormones. They’re always chasing the hotties! Where’s the intellectual logic there?” All men do think with their head. Unfortunately many don’t use the one between their shoulders. But let’s get real, ladies. Those are natural men chasing youth and beauty. Once you lose yours, they’ll lose you. What you really want is a covenant man who’ll prioritize making and keeping sacred covenants, take ownership of his life, and demonstrate leadership by making something of himself. These men aren’t following hormones as much as they follow what makes sense. That’s how masculine men process thinking — with intellectual logic. If it makes sense, they accept it. If it doesn’t make sense, they reject it. So ladies, stop, for example, trying to attract a man by increasing your own status. That works to attract a woman because it aligns with how a woman thinks. But men don’t think like women. It makes no sense to follow status because that doesn’t offer a man anything he values. And what sense does it make to chase after something of no value? It must make intellectual sense. Dealing with womenOf course, women have their own five magic words. So brethren, let’s huddle around and learn the five magic words for women: New experience with desired emotion. Once you understand these five magic words, you’ll have come a long way towards understanding women. That may surprise men fooled by the common myth that women are illogical and irrational. That’s simply not true. Women are completely logical and totally rational. Their logic simply has a different base. Where men base their logic in intellect, women base their logic in emotion. Just as men accept what makes sense and reject what doesn’t, women accept what feels good and reject what doesn’t, because feeling good is the emotional equivalent of making sense. That’s why the five magic words for interacting with women are new experience with desired emotion. Any man who’s had any experience with women can understand that experience better after applying the five magic words to view it. Once he does, he’ll understand why women always chase the bad boy, the muscle man, the money man, or the famous man. These men offer new experience with desired emotion. Making better progressThere’s so much more about the five magic words that we’ll get into in the course of the broadcast today. They represent the key to learning how to think like the opposite gender. And it’s that type of thinking that can unlock the door to greater success with dating. After all, it all goes back to the fundamentals we’ve discussed so often on this program and The World of TED. Every stage in the dating journey has an agreement. If you don’t secure the agreement for a particular stage, you don’t progress there. And the way to secure an agreement is to be agreeable enough. Women who can offer men what makes intellectual sense and men who can offer women new experience with desired emotion have a huge advantage in being perceived as agreeable enough. So remember the five magic words. They’ll help you see the world through the eyes of the opposite gender. That perspective can help you approach dating prospects more effectively, encouraging better results. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
After inviting a student to read the first stanza of Robert Herrick’s oft-quoted poem “To the Virgins to Make Much of Time,” Mr. Keating draws the students into a discussion about the meaning of the poem. Carpe diem is probably the best known Latin expression among the common populace today, most of whom don’t speak Latin. Yet for as well known as the Latin phrase meaning “seize the day” is, few actually practice it. And that was the whole point of Mr. Keating’s lecture. We each have a window of opportunity while we live, and that opportunity is to seize the moment in front of us and make the most of it. This was Mr. Keating’s message in his first lecture. “Seize the day, boys! Make your life extraordinary!” Make the conscious choice I’m not sure why it didn’t hit me earlier, but this is a perfect message of LDS singles. Too many waste their lives away waiting for something wonderful to happen, as though the blessings they want in their life will appear magically at their front door. Here’s the problem with that approach: It wastes opportunity. The same agency that singles use to waste away their time waiting for their blessings is the same agency they could be using to make their lives extraordinary. But most don’t make their lives anything, let alone extraordinary. They simply flow with the waves of life, going wherever they’ll carry them. This is the path of the natural man and the natural woman. Simply following the impulse of the biological programming within our physical bodies is easy, and that programming would have us staying where it is “safe.” But the extraordinary life doesn’t come to anyone who simply goes with the flow. Rather it comes to those who will make their own waves to create the currents that carry them to the destination they desire. They make conscious choices to act against the natural impulse to go with the flow. Wield your greater power Conscious choice is the key not only to making one’s life extraordinary but also to encouraging the blessings you want in your life to come into your life. Notice I said encourage, not make. Many blessings require the agency of another to decide in your favor. That truth doesn’t diminish the greater power we each have to achieve the results we desire. Too many focus on what is outside their control, and that focus belittles the power we each have to change our lives for the better and make them truly extraordinary. In reality, many exercise their agency in accordance with what is presented to them. And you choose what you present to them every single day (pun intended). So what should you choose to present to others in order to attract the results you desire? If you want an extraordinary life, then present the elements that will attract an extraordinary life. This is more than just the activity you embrace in your life. This is also, and perhaps more importantly, the assumptions and attitude you embody. Focusing on what you can do will enable you to feel more of the power you truly have within you. And by acting on that truth, by doing what you can do, you’ll feel more powerful more often. Start with what’s interesting When you make your life extraordinary, you make yourself more attractive. So where do you start? How do you start? The extraordinary life is an attractive life, but it is also an interesting one. So start by making your life more interesting. And the easiest place to begin is with your own imagination. What do you think makes a life interesting? Put those things one by one in your life. And don’t rely on what others think is interesting. Follow what you yourself genuinely think is interesting. Make your life extraordinary. Take action to start living your life. The more interesting you make your life, the more attractive it will be to others and the more enticed they will be to share it with you. When you leverage the power you have in your own agency, you can make your life more than you imagined it could be. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Put the Lord first Understandably, the weight of life presses on us all. For many LDS singles who’ve lived years without the righteous blessings they desire, that weight can be heavy indeed. A pessimistic outlook on the future that often attends that weight doesn’t help. But there is always hope because there is always Christ. He can help us go forward when we feel there is no way forward because He is the Way. When we give our heartfelt all to Him, He gives us access to His power. And with His power, we can do all things. That includes maximizing our joy in LDS singles life. We can find balance amongst all the tensions of life when we put the Savior and our discipleship to Him first and give our all to Him and His work. As Elder Uchtdorf explained,
This is how LDS singles can move their lives forward. Find a new approachThis doesn’t mean your solution to the challenges of LDS singles life is more church. The solution is more you. When you give more of yourself to what you do, you create the space in which you can have more joy in your life. It’s that giving more of yourself that actually creates that space for more joy. That’s why time and time again I’ve defined happiness as giving your all to all the right things for you. That’s why for years I’ve encouraged LDS singles to embrace a personal ministry. Like the widow’s mite which Elder Uchtdorf referenced to begin his remarks, your contribution to making the world a better place is worthwhile when it represents your all because it’s only in giving your all that you become a better you. I can understand why so many LDS singles want to give up on their lives. Dating often results in frustration and other negative emotions. Then there’s loneliness. And those singles who are also parents have double duty in raising their children. I get it. But I also get that frustration is a sign you’re going about something the wrong way. So when you feel life isn’t working right, it’s really you that isn’t working right. You need a new approach! Elder Uchtdorf explained how putting the Lord first helps us each find the new approach we need.
Just keep moving forwardWhen you partner with the Lord by putting Him and His work first and then taking counsel from Him, He Who is the Way will show you the way. This principle works in every aspect of life, not just discipleship. When you give more of you to all you do, you can get more out of what you do. So if you aren’t getting what you want out of dating, give more of you to it. Start by learning the fundamentals. If you aren’t getting more of what you want from your occupation, give more of you to it. And so it goes for every aspect of life. You can find the balance and lift you need when you give your all and keep moving forward. So don’t stop. Don’t stagnate. Don’t wallow in the mire of despair. Don’t wrap yourself in pity. Focus on where you want to go and keep moving forward. As Elder Uchtdorf taught,
Give your heartfelt all to all you do. You’ll create the space for more joy in your life. You’ll see life turning around for you. And you’ll find more balance and lift in your life as you come closer to the Lord. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
The problem LDS singles have comes when they give too much prominence to what they want. Then dating becomes all about satisfying their demands to the exclusion of what they have to offer. As we discussed last week, taking your dating focus off of what you bring takes you out of alignment with the fundamentals of the dating journey. That’s why you need balance to find the right place for what you want in dating. Be the best complementAs we’ve discussed more times than I can count, your focus determines your reality. So you won’t truly enjoy your dating journey with the wrong focus. Enjoying your dating journey requires a focus leading to that reality. What’s that focus? There’s a huge clue in the definition of happiness we’ve discussed so many times on this program. Happiness is giving your all to all the right things for you. That definition applies just as much to dating as it does to any other part of life. Being the best complement to your eternal companion, whether or not that person is now in your life, is one of those right things for you. And happiness comes when you give your all to that and every other right thing for you. That’s why truly enjoyable dating is about what you bring. Yet too often LDS singles focus solely on themselves. They think of their dating journey as the search for what they want, so much so they think little if at all about what they bring to a potential relationship. As we discussed last week, it’s not about what you want. When you align yourself with the fundamentals of what you’re trying to do, you find your path to success easier. Reject the natural mindsetNotice I said easier, not easy. The propensity to approach dating with the focus of what you want is rooted mainly in the natural mindset, which will dominate you if you don’t dominate it. And that fight for domination isn’t always easy. That’s because the natural mindset always prioritizes self-gratification over all else. The natural mindset also always leads to misery. What else do you expect from a constant focus on taking in order to satiate one’s own desires? We’ve all been around people who constantly take and give little if anything in return. No one wants to be around those people. We all want to be around those who constantly give and take little if anything in return. So your dating focus should be on being that person. Be the complement your companion needs, and you’ll more easily find the complement you need in a companion. Stop chasing after complicationThis isn’t to say that what you want plays no role in dating. You’ll of course make choices in who you decide to date, both casually and exclusively. In these two stages of the dating journey, you have many opportunities to express what you want and the individual uniqueness underlying those inclinations. But ultimately what you want from your dating journey is a thriving, enriching relationship. What you want is a complement. Yet too many chase complication by focusing their efforts too much on what they want to receive and too little on what they have to give. When you adjust your focus to align with the fundamentals of the dating journey, you’ll stop embracing complication in your dating life because you’ll quit chasing after it. Balancing what you want in a companion and what you should be in a companion isn’t easy. But LDS singles who strive to strike that balance center their efforts around complementation. They focus on being a better complement for the person they want in their life. This is the right place for what you want in dating. When you embrace it, dating really will become more about what you bring. You’ll find it easier to make you a better you and make your life more interesting, thereby making you more agreeable to a potential partner. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Why wanting doesn’t workOn the surface, that may sound counterintuitive. How can dating not be about what you want? How could dating even pretend to bring any semblance of happiness without accounting for individual preference? Am I suggesting we’re all interchangeable parts or that we should embrace arranged marriages? No, we’re not interchangeable parts. And although there have been days I wished I could have an arranged marriage just so the frustrations of my dating life would end, those days are far behind me. Now I approach dating differently, and my approach comes from more effective thinking which aligns better with the fundamentals of the dating journey. We’ve discussed countless times in previous broadcasts about one such fundamental: To progress to any stage of the dating journey, you must have the requisite agreement. And how do you secure that agreement? How do you secure any agreement? You do it by being agreeable enough. So if you aren’t progressing in your journey, you need to become more agreeable. This is why dating isn’t about what you want. You can want all you want, but no amount of wanting will compensate for not meeting the other person’s definition of agreeable enough. It’s easy to focus on how the other person’s standards are unrealistically high. But even if they really are, you still won’t progress in your dating journey if you aren’t agreeable enough. That’s why it’s called a fundamental. Why bringing works betterYet many LDS singles approach dating with the assumption it’s about what they want. And many LDS singles experience great frustration with dating. That’s not a coincidence. The one follows the other like night follows day. Instead of approaching dating with the idea it’s about what you want, focus instead on what you bring. Think about it. The ideal marriage is the union of two imperfect people who help each other achieve perfection. That last part — “help each other achieve perfection” — isn’t based in either partner taking. It comes from each partner giving. It’s about what you bring, not what you want. Of course, to give, you must have something to give. That’s where working on yourself and having a personal ministry take center stage. When you improve upon yourself and devote yourself to making your own unique combination of goodness to the world, you build an interesting life that others find more inviting. Fundamentally, you become more agreeable. Bring on the realI’m not saying what you want doesn’t factor into dating at all. There is a place for expressing and acting on personal preferences. It’s just not behind the driver’s seat of the most effective approach. And you do have the option of finding someone whose standards of acceptance are low enough to admit you just as you are, but that’s not the more satisfying route. You’ll likely attract only others who want to stay as they are, and a union with such a person is just a mediocre existence. The real relationship is one that leaves you better for being a part of it. That’s one where each partner gives freely to the other, not just exist in the same space. Dating is not about what you want but about what you bring. Embracing that truth allows you to adopt a more effective approach to dating. You’ll more easily embrace the work needed to make you a better you. You’ll put yourself in service to others. Then you’ll experience the satisfaction of making progress. You’ll piece together your best life and thereby increase your probability of finding the companion who will with you make an truly real and ennobling relationship. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
Learn rightlyLet me say it again. No matter who you choose, your partner will never be perfect. Everyone on this planet has shortcomings, failings, inabilities, and other assorted nuances separating each one of us from perfection. Why then do so many LDS singles look for perfection when dating? It’s understandable no one wants to be miserable for eternity. But many also don’t want to do the work to become more attractive to that “perfect” someone. They believe they should be loved just as they are. Many also believe they shouldn’t have to settle. As the belief goes, only perfection can offer eternal bliss. “Settling” by accepting anything less simply means condemning oneself to eternal misery. And again, no one wants to be miserable forever. But these assumptions lead to the results many LDS singles have of living year after year without the companion they desire. If you want different results, you need different action, and that comes when you think differently. But thinking differently means questioning (among other things) assumptions. So LDS singles who want to turn their lives around should start by questioning their assumptions. Question boldlyLet’s start by questioning the assumption your companion should love you as you are. That sounds reasonable on its surface. After all, God loves you just as you are, so anyone who doesn’t isn’t trying to be like God and so isn’t marriage material. But that assumption neglects this truth: God doesn’t want you to stay as you are. He sees what you can become. Because where you’re going is much more important than where you are, aligning your focus with that eternal truth changes your thinking from insisting on being loved as you are to owning your life and doing what you can to move your life in a favorable direction. Different thinking leads to different action which leads to different results. Likewise for the idea that “settling” for anything but the best leads to eternal misery. It presents a false dichotomy. Either you’re happy forever, or you’re miserable forever. There’s no other option. And it seems reasonable, especially if you judge by your emotions. But this assumption rests on another assumption that we know what the best is. The truth is we often don’t. Feelings aren’t knowledge, so however something feels, reality can be (and often is) quite different. When you accept that assumption, it’s easier to believe someone you think might not be good for you actually could be. That belief opens the door to accepting opportunities you might otherwise reject. And those actions lead to different results. Choose wisely Really it all comes down to what we’ve discussed here before. The perfect companion for you is not a perfect person nor a perfect match with your ideal candidate. Rather the perfect companion for you is the imperfect person with whom you align in values and life direction and who will give freely as you help each other become perfect together. That’s the essential meaning behind helpmeet — someone who helps you meet your potential. Again, everyone is imperfect. But when you align yourself with true principles such as prioritizing an alignment of values and life direction and valuing making and keeping sacred covenants above all else, you can better find the imperfect person who can be the perfect helpmeet for you. Although never the best, your imperfect companion, when you choose wisely, can help you become the happiest you can possibly be. So question your assumptions so you can align them with eternal truth. Then your assumptions will drive more effective thinking, which will lead to more effective actions, which in turn will produce more effective results. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
That said, the deal breaker lists many LDS singles have align more with worldly values than eternal ones and are anything but short. For all the talk in church about being spiritual, evidence that LDS singles are influenced by the dating culture of the world abounds in the choices LDS singles make when dating. But when you understand their effect, it’s easy to see we need to scrap dating checklists. Dating is not shopping For anything in life, some approaches are simply more effective than others. Part of what makes an approach more effective is the joy it can provide throughout your journey and not just how quickly it can get you to the end. Case in point: The shopping list I mentioned earlier. Here’s a ready example of how we should not approach dating. Although every relationship has a transactional aspect, romantic relationships are not as fulfilling and ennobling if they’re entirely transactional. In fact, purely transactional relationships always eventually break down. That’s because a tit-for-tat approach never produces the best relationships. They develop as each partner freely gives to the other without expecting anything in return. Approaching dating with a shopping attitude promotes just the opposite. The relationship you have with the worker at the checkout stand is purely transactional. You’re not looking for anything long-term or complicated. You’re looking for a quick way to exchange the value you have (your money) for the value you want (the items in your cart) and then to walk away. It’s not hard to see how that approach to dating isn’t all that effective, and yet our language betrays us. Language always reveals thinking, and when we talk about people who are no longer available to date as “off the market,” we’re clearly thinking of dating like shopping. It’s how you thinkThat’s not the only way we approach dating like shopping. We talk about potential dating candidates in terms of their “market value,” with top shelf candidates having high market value and others having low market value. We scroll through dating apps and online dating profiles the same way we shop for something online. And we constantly think of dating as the search for someone with qualities we want, very much like the way we think of shopping as the search for something with qualities we want. That thinking of dating as shopping naturally drives us to make a list. As I said previously, lists aren’t necessarily bad. If it’s short and contains only deal breakers aligned with eternal values, a dating list can be very effective. That said, the lists many LDS singles have are anything but short and often contain few if any items aligned with eternal values. For example, your partner’s height has nothing to do with eternal progression, and yet how many singles insist on dating only those who meet a minimum height requirement? Proper lists for dating As I said before, the best relationships come from each partner freely giving to the other without expecting anything in return. That doesn’t mean we’re interchangeable parts. Dating does have a transactional aspect, and using a few essential items to build a foundation for your relationship can satisfy that transactional aspect. That’s where the short list I mentioned earlier can prove effective. The problem comes when that list isn’t short. We don’t want just anyone, so we add deal breakers to a list to qualify candidates. But every item we add reduces our dating pool and with it our probability of success. In this way, long lists of deal breakers assure singles stay single. That’s why we need to scrap dating checklists. They represent a less effective approach that decreases the probability of success. In their place, we should embrace a new dating attitude, one less focused on finding perfection and more focused on supporting others to become more perfected. We could even extend that to ourselves focusing more on what we bring to a potential relationship than what we want to have. Making these changes in our thinking will produce more effective actions which in turn will yield more effective results. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
Imagine that — a quality so essential that nearly everyone has it on their dating deal breaker list, and yet not everyone understands it to be the same thing. And that’s a problem, because you could be your own worst obstacle if you don’t know what compatibility really is. What it’s notSuccess comes more easily to those who conform to true principles. When your approach deviates from those, you make it harder on yourself. And compatibility really is essential in building a successful long-term relationship. But first let’s talk about what compatibility is not. Compatibility is not liking the same things. Many LDS singles believe this, including myself in my younger days. But as I gained experience I began to see the error in this thinking. Liking the same things won’t get you through the challenging times. And challenging times come into every marriage. Perhaps more common these days is the misconception that compatibility is matching some idea of perfection. The more a candidate matches your ideal companion — or what you think is your ideal — the more compatible you two are. This idea assumes a perfect match will bring you a successful long-term relationship. And why wouldn’t it if the candidate is perfect? Because what you think is perfect probably isn’t. It’s natural to think you know what your perfect match is. But so often what we think and what actually is aren’t quite the same. And even if they were, perfect would bore you to tears. Joy in life comes in the journey, meaning you need to be changing, improving, progressing. There’s nowhere to go with perfect. What it isSo if these things aren’t compatibility, then what is? Compatibility is an alignment in values and life purpose. The more alignment you have with someone, the more compatible you are. Why is this true compatibility? It’s the alignment of values and life direction that’ll pull you through the difficulties that come into every relationship. We all make decisions consistent with our values, so sharing similar values means naturally agreeing to the same decisions more easily more often. Moreover, traveling in different directions will make it harder to stay together because the desire to move in different directions creates tension in your relationship. If you and your companion persist in not aligning, you’ll eventually relieve the tension through separation. How much easier it is to stay together if you want to take your lives in the same direction! Get on itThe alignment of values and life direction is true compatibility. And it’s essential for quality long-term relationships. But it rarely just comes without work. Marriage is hard work because it requires you to work not so much on your relationship as on yourself. The work is in aligning yourselves to a shared set of values and life direction. That doesn’t mean all your values are identical or that you have the exact same vision of what to make of your life together. But it does mean you’re aligned enough in those areas that you fit together like a hand in a glove. Because values and life direction can change as we age, spouses must continue to work at alignment as they grow old together. It’s in this way they thrive in their relationship as they help each other become more and more perfect. When you know what compatibility really is, you can then focus your dating approach towards what really matters most. You can emphasize eternal values in your relationships. You can begin to see others for where they’re going and not just where they are. Instead of looking for what’s wrong with potential candidates, you can savor more of the good they have to offer. And that will bring you more joy in your journey.
A brief tutorialElder Gilbert used some simple math to illustrate the Parable of the Slope. Some of you think the words simple and math don’t really go together, but I assure you they do. Elder Gilbert briefly explained his math, but let me offer a different explanation that may help with understanding both the simple math concept and the lesson Elder Gilbert draws from it. Mathematically, we represent lines on a plot with two reference lines, one horizontal and the other vertical. We commonly call the point where your line crosses the vertical reference line the intercept. It effectively measures how far above (or below) your line is from the horizontal reference line at the position of the vertical reference line. Elder Gilbert’s parable compares your path in life to a line drawn on a Cartesian plane, taking the intercept as a starting position. As you proceed on your path of life, you’re line can go up or down. Mathematically, we measure that direction with slope. A positive slope indicates an upward direction, and a negative slope indicates a downward direction. Which way it goes depends not on the intercept but on the slope. Likewise in life, whether or not you achieve your potential depends not on your starting position but on your direction. The parable expandedI’ve previously visited this idea of direction being more important than position. LDS singles often evaluate potential dating candidates solely on their position, judging those with less than desired positions as disagreeable, irrespective of their direction. But direction matters more in the end, because the person you marry isn’t the person you get today but the person you’ll get years down the road. The importance of direction over position also gives hope to those judged as disagreeable. You can turn any life situation around when you own your life and focus more on direction than position. By doing what you can with what you have, you give your life a positive direction that, if maintained, will take your life into more and more agreeable territory. As Elder Gilbert taught,
Your focus always determines your reality. Too many LDS singles focus on what they lack — the looks, the body, the money, the talent, the whatever they think they absolutely must have to succeed — and wallowing in that discouragement, their reality is one of lack, disempowerment, and hopelessness. Focus instead on what you have and can do, and you’ll find a reality of abundance, empowerment, and hope. Elder Gilbert then continued with
How many times have we talked about partnering with the Lord? He sees what we don’t see, knows what we don’t know, and loves us more than we can possibly imagine. When you partner with Him, He’ll guide you to whatever you need to take the next step in your journey towards the enjoyment of every righteous blessing. Some final wordsI’ll go more in depth in the program today and show how LDS singles can apply these ideas to their lives to have more joy every day starting today. Even though he didn’t address singles specifically, Elder Gilbert did provide LDS singles with essential information to support the journey towards one’s best life. I’ve found that to be true for most if not all Conference addresses. So let’s not wait to apply the Parable of the Slope to our lives. Let’s start today to place more value on direction than position. Let’s focus more on what we have, what we can do, and where we’re going. And let’s partner with the Lord for our lives. When we do, He’ll guide us along the path leading to our best life. And that will bring us more joy in our journey.
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Howdy! I'm Lance, host of Joy in the Journey Radio. I've been blogging about LDS singles life since 2012, and since 2018 I've been producing a weekly Internet radio show and podcast to help LDS singles have more joy in their journey and bring all Latter-day Saints together. Let's engage a conversation that will increase the faith of LDS singles and bring singles and marrieds together in a true unity of the faith.
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